Christmas Break!!!

Woohoo I have 3 weeks off from school!!! I am so glad for a break from the drama and work of school. I did get good news that I didn't expect but I am totally happy about. I received straight "A"s! I was very surprised. All my Christmas shopping is done and they are basically all wrapped for when I get to go home on Wednesday! I am very excited to be going home. First, I have to get through two more days of work and than I get to leave. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad that work is not a lot of work. It just gets kinda boring but I guess I can live with that. Tonight I am working someone else's shift for them. It will be nice to have a little extra money. Back to the Christmas presents. I am really looking forward to watching people open their presents, I'm really excited at some of the things I found for my siblings, but of course I can't say exactly what they are becauseof course my family reads this blog. I need to get some baking done to bring home, but I haven't been able to get any done yet! I have been way too busy! Although I will admit that I haven't totally minded spending quality time with some friends in Hibbing the last 3 nights. Ok I'm going to post this because otherwise, who knows what will happen lol.

My roommate and I wrapped our front door with Christmas wrapping paper!!!

This is a picture of my baking final, I have no idea what my grade for it is. I really want to know!!!

Slogging Through, but I'm Still Moving

The past couple of weeks I feel as though I've been slogging through school like you would slog through mud knee deep. I know that is quite the picture. On the 22 I was sick in bed all day after throwing up most of the night. I think that I ate something bad. That was after I had to work a birthday party all by myself. It wasn't bad, but it was an adventure. So needless to say I didn't feel very well on Monday, some of my muscles were very sore. I was very glad that last week was a short week. Wednesday I got to home for thanksgiving which was totally awesome!!! I got to go to a totally AWESOME concert on Sunday. The Letter Black opened and they were followed by Decyfer Down, Hawk Nelson and finally SKILLET!!! I was very glad that one of my friends from school wanted to go so we went together. It was a fun day all around. I intend to post pictures but right now I'm a work and my pictures are on my laptop at my apartment. So I'll have to get on that later. Than on Monday I started getting a cold, I'm doing my best to fight it. My immune system is probably down from all the stress of finals coming up here and a few other things. Really I think finals will go fine. I already submitted my final paper for my psych class and from my grade online I got an A. It's really an easy class, but it's not a class that I have enjoyed very much. Due to it's sometimes "graphic" content. Lots of time was spent discussing things I really didn't want to learn about. It did give me a greater appreciation for the way my parents lovingly raised me. I have to say that my eyes have been opened even more this year than last year and if I didn't fight to keep my hope I could lose it in the blink of an eye. There's people having affairs, girls getting pregnant and than ending it. People partying because it's the only way to cope and so much more. And people spend time wondering why the world is in the state it's in. Did you know that colleges are seriously thinking about adding a mental health fee to college tuition? College faculties are finding that they don't have the resources to handle the depression and all the mental health problems that students are having. Suicide rates among college students have climbed dramatically.

I have to say that I am eagerly looking forward to being done with school in May, because I am so tired of all the "stuff" that goes on, especially here in HCC. Even though I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done here. I still don't feel like I've gotten any clear direction from the Lord on the matter. I'm just doing my best to walk it out day by day. I am thankful for the fact that I know my parents are standing behind me a hundred percent and that I can move home in May if I want/need to. I really don't want to drive though so much, like I did last summer. I really want to have a life outside of my car. So if I live at my parents more than likely I will have to drive a good distance to be able to work and not working is not an option unless that's what the Lord says, although I don't think that "don't work" is something He would tell me.

Anyways back to the present... School is winding up thankfully, I'm most definitely ready for a break. For a good part of Christmas break though I plan to stay in my apartment in order to work and save some money which I hope is possible. The saving money part is what I hope is possible, I know that I can work. I'm pretty much done with Christmas shopping, Yay! There's still a couple people I need to buy for. I'm pretty excited because I was able to get some really cool stuff this year for presents. Well I can't think of anything else to say for the moment so I think I will say adios.

Searching...Now I'm Your's

I'm through looking around every corner
It's between me and You
This empty place inside of me
It's between me and You
I've been trying to fill it
With things that it's not meant to hold
It's served as a dumping place
For things it should have never seen
I've told myself I'm not giving in
But I've done worse I've compromised
There are days this ache
Tries to consume me
At times sated for the moment
Instead of preparing for Your movement
I'm tired of living planning to prepare
In today's tomorrow
Now is the moment that You've been waiting for
Where I say I'm through...I'm Yours'
I can't do this thing called searching
I'm meant to be found
I'm done fooling myself
Please reveal yourself
The height, the depth of your love
The weight of your glory
The magnificence of your presence
I can't live my life without you
You really are my everything
Lord You've found me
You've been waiting for me to see You
Holding me close You are the only one who
Will give fulfillment, contentment and peace
I'm done playing games, I'm ready... I am Yours
This is my prayer to you this evening...I am Yours

Homework, Work, Cellphones and Drama

Ok well I have been extremely busy with homework, but not so much work until this week. I am very grateful for my busy work week. It's been abnormally busy, after tomorrow I'll have worked 5 days this week. Normally it's just like two days a week. I am counting my blessings as well as planning on evading Wally World for a time. Ecspecially after going 4 days in a row last weekend, primarily for my costing homework, but how can you go into Walmart without spending money??? I don't know how people do it. Normally I try to only go once a week, but because of my costing homework I needed prices and that is the best place to go. I have to admit I am quite relieved to be done with my costing sheets for my cost control class. It was a lot of work.

The Big Picture and Letting Go

Some days it's really hard to look at the big picture. Most of the time it's way too easy to continually look at the valleys and at how high the mountain tops are. I was very grateful for my Aunt's reminder that in the big picture some trials are very small. Yet as we are walking through/up they seem like Mount Everest. I had to walk through a situation this weekend that wasn't easy, but God had been dealing with me on it and I knew I was riding the fence. It was really hard for me to bite the bullet, I cried and prayed my way through it. It wasn't fun, but I passed the test and I know God was smiling down at me. I know that what God has for me will be so much better, I don't want the counterfeit or second best. I want His absolute best for me. God and I have been dealing with this particular issue for awhile now and I finally said "Ok God I'll do it your way, I'll let it go and throw myself into your arms and trust." I have to refine my focus and look not just at what's right in front of me, but at the entire landscape.

Sometimes it's really hard to be still and know that He truly is God. Lately I have been struggling to keep my joy. Most days I feel like I'm just surviving, but not truly thriving. I need to get my joy back, I know that it's not a natural thing and it's not based on circumstances. It's supernatural and in it is my strength.

School is going well overall. There aren't too many things that I really want to complain about. I just know that things could be way better than they are.

Awesome Drama from Collision 2009 - "Motions"

I watched the conference on Godtv and loved it. So I just had to post this video from it.

Sometimes....

Lately I just don't know.... Well I do but.... you know those days.... where....

I have had some interesting situations to walk through. When isn't life interesting? I've had a good week! Sunday I went to Duluth and saw my Aunt and Uncle and my cousins. That was good, it was a much needed break. I hung out with a friend on Monday, that was fun it made my day better. Monday I was fighting the why me's and feeling crabby and than I got a call that just made my day. Sshh don't tell that person :) Than Tuesday I hung out with another friend... That was a little more interesting, but I think I gracefully glided through it. Wednsday I worked after school. Despite the fact that it was my birthday it was a very low-key day. Than today after class I did homework and I went to The Edge. That was fun.

My classes are still going really well. It turns out that I am going to be chef for the first buffet which is next month. I'm a little nervous about that... It will be an interesting experience. I finished my Finnish menu choices for my cost control final. Now I have to pick the recipes and cost them all out. It's going to be a lot of work. I have learned quite a bit so far. It's really interesting to think about another countries food and how food gets to be a considered to belong to a specific ethnic group. I've been having fun in my baking class. It's been a really great experience so far.

I've been feeling so out of sync when it comes to some things. I so badly want to hear the voice of God more and more clearly. It's so important in this day and age. I don't want theology I want a revelation. I want to be so filled with the light of God that the darkness tries to hide. People don't need to just understand God with their brains, they need to see how real God is and really know who He is.

I've been thinking that I once again need to turn my eyes to the goodness of God. I need to look at all that He's doing rather than look at things I want to change. Maybe if I change my focus I won't feel so much lacking. I'm so sick and tired of this cycle that seems so pointless and endless. I don't want to be moved by how I feel because my feelings shouldn't move me so much.
I want to be able to handle some situations better....

Life just keeps getting more interesting everyday.

Still no matter the circumstances... Peace Reigns, Love Wins and Joy is in the House!!!!

What is this World Coming to?

I am serious! Stuff around here is crazy!

Interesting... Wow, is it Ever..No Nevermind

Ok so my blog title is pretty much just to catch your attention, because I have no idea where I'm going. I don't know if you've noticed but that's pretty much always the case. LOL

I am sure you would all like to hear more stories from my life here at college. So let's see... My psychology of adjustment class is interesting but there are somethings that get talked about that I go In it we have lots of diesel guys, this makes for an interesting class, as well. Last week we got to do a class activity. A statement was made and we had to move about the room to different sections representing whether we "Strongly Agreed" "Weakly Agreed" "Neutral" "Strongly Disagreed" or "Weakly Agreed". It was interesting to see where people stood on different social issues. I think most people where fairly conservative in there stance, to a degree. I think the class size is about 25 people.

Let's see what else. Oh, my roommate situation is going very well for those of you who are wondering after hearing my horror stories from last year. My roommate and I get along great.

So far my main instructor for the year is remarkably in a good mood, compared to last year. Which is great!!!! I have been having fun in the kitchen with all my classmates, it's almost like one big happy family! There are a couple people that I and everyone have to walk in a little extra grace with. This coming week is the first year's transition week into running the cafeteria kitchen. There is a grand total of 23 first years this year. For awhile no one knew what the final count would be. Every day it seemed they lost at least one and gained a couple more it was a little crazy at one point they had 27 students. My second year class is at 14 and two of them are transplants from previous first years. So starting on the 22nd of September, my class will all be moved over to the fine dining side and beginning to run the restaurant! I still can hardly believe that it's my second year of college!

As for activities outside of school, right now I go to the Edge on Thursday nights, which is fun. It's nice to actually know people this time around. :) Unfortunately I won't be able to attend Chi Alpha this year :( Despite the fact that they have it 2 days a week. I am a little bummed about that, but oh well. I do hang out with a couple of my classmates some evenings, which is an adventure all in itself. Of course one BIG consistent activity that I do is homework. It's not at lot of fun, but it contributes to a good grade so it is worth my time :) I am hopeing to be able to hang out with a couple of other people too. Oh and I might have a pampered chef party, that would be fun. There isn't a lot to do here in town, unfortunately.

Today I slept in! Yay!!! Then I lounged around for awhile, before running some errands. Don't tell her but I think I have my sister Sal's birthday present. Sshhh! I went to the mall (the term mall is an exageration) and checked out a couple things at JCPenney's. There is a hidden meaning in the previous sentence. I also had to go get gas and some groceries and gas at WallyWorld. I've been at work since 1 and I am getting a little tired of sitting here. It's not very exciting at all.

I'm not sure what else to blog about, tomorrow I'm going to church and then I need to clean my bathroom and do some minor cleaning in my bedroom. Oh and I should probably seriously spend some time on the next step of my Cost Control final. It's such a lot of work :P

Peace reigns, love wins and joy is in the house!

What is Worth It?

Don't ask me if the title of this blog is supposed to make any sense, ok. I just want to figure is what I have been trying NOT to think about worth my time trying NOT to think about it? I don't know. If I stop trying NOT to think about it will I stop thinking about it? I have no clue! I wish I knew the answer. Right now I am just really tired and I just finished my homework and it took me about 4 hours to do 3 questions, of course I had my tv on, but still I was diligently working. I don't even know if I did it right. It kind of freaks me out because I really want to do well in my classes, I just don't know. It doesn't help that right now I am super emotional and a tish crabby because of it. And to add to all that I seem to be constantly crabby. Oh and did I mention that there is drama going on? I really don't like drama it just gets so over dramatic. It doesn't bother me as much as last year and most of it just rolls right off my back, but it sure is annoying. Why do so many people depend on drama to entertain them? I'm not really sure. I know one person who's life statement is... oh never mind, I can't really say it on here. The ups and downs of college life wouldn't be so up and down if it weren't for those around me having so many ups and downs that seem to slightly effect mine.

Here is my question of the week (even though the week is almost over): What is worth it (i.e. my time, my thoughts, my efforts, my talking)? Actually I should say that that is the question I will be judging everything by and I will use Phil 4:? (I'm too tired to go check the verse on that one, but it's the one that goes, "whatever is pure, whatever is noble, etc.... think on these things")

You have just read my rambling and very tired thoughts. I hope it was worth your time. I don't really think it was but I'm still going to publish it. I'm not sure why though...

P.S. Life is going just fine, it's actually pretty good all in all. :)

God Things

Do you ever just have the desire to see God things happen? I do. I know that they are always happening if we open our eyes, ears and hearts to see and hear and be available. I just finished watching the movie "August Rush". Wow it's such an amazing movie. It touches my heart and makes me long to listen, and open myself up to the Holy Spirit. I don't know what the creators, directors, or producers wanted to accomplish with the movie, but there are some really cool examples in it. If you haven't seen it you'll have to just watch the movie.

Sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zones and follow the "music" that God's put inside us. We have to trust the Holy Spirit to led guide and direct us. We may often get delayed by things that look good and yet are counterfeits and not the full picture that God has for us nor His best. For every temptation there is a way of escape. God is a redeemer of the times. He doesn't just stand back and go, "Oh look at how the world goes around I wonder what's going to happen next." He actively gets involved in our lives, and will do awesome things beyond what we can imagine. There are things in front of us and inside us that God put there, because He has a plan and a purpose for our good and to prosper us. We can't let circumstances or people's opinions sway us. We have to listen to the Spirit to know when to come and where to go even when it looks futile and hopeless. Even if we just see the bits and pieces, one here and one there, God sees the big picture. There is a song in everyone that needs to be played by the orchestra of life with the greatest conductor of all time!

Yes, I got all this from the movie and there is more too. You really should watch it seriously.

Peace Reigns, Love Wins and Joy is in the House!
Until Next Time

Update Before Week 2 Starts

So I thought I would give you all an update (I'm not sure who all read this).

The first week of school went really well. So far nothing too exciting has taken place. All of us 2nd years put the menu together for the next 2 weeks. We will be in the cafeteria through about the 21st. I still can hardly believe that I am back at school and it feels so normal. There are a lot of things that I can tell will stretch me in this school year, but that's why I am going to college so that I can learn and grow.

Yesterday I worked at the planetarium for 8 hours. It was pretty boring since I am being trained in to be a console operator. Speaking of which if anyone has a good birthday party game that is simple and doesn't take a lot of stuff. Comment on here pleeeeeaaaaassssseeee. Console operators have to host birthday parties. Which includes playing games with the kids. I think that is my least favorite part. Parents have such high expectations, I'm not sure why they expect so much from us when they don't even know what games to play. I did get homework done yesterday. I should do some more and get ahead a little bit though.

Already there is drama going on here. I am amazed at how many people are already starting dating relationships with people they barely know. As well as the lengths people will go to get a guy or a girl. I don't think college is all about seeing how fast you can hook-up with someone. Although I do understand how tempting it is, because when you don't "fit the norm" you get lonely. I don't like to be lonely, but I want God's best for my life, I don't want to settle for second best and than regret it, ya know.

Well I should go to bed here because once again tomorrow is Monday and I want to be fresh for the start of my second week of school. I will leave you with a qoute of a qoute from "When God Writes Your Love Story" that I thought was really interesting and made me really think.

"If we cut off their tongues and forbid the Christian speech, they love with their hands, with their feet and with their eyes, they love always and everywhere until their last respiration. Does anybody know how to take out the power of love from these stupid Christians?" This was spoken by a Romanian prison guard who found both his fulfillment and frustration in torturing Christians

Remember to really live today, because tomorrow is always tomorrow and yesterday is always past.

Shalom

Strength in Weakness

I was reading a book today and I read this scripture and thought it was really cool so I figured I would share it with all of you.



Isaiah 30:15-26 (The Message)
God Takes the Time to Do Everything Right 15-17God, the Master, The Holy of Israel, has this solemn counsel:"Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves.Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me—The very thing you've been unwilling to do.You've said, 'Nothing doing! We'll rush off on horseback!' You'll rush off, all right! Just not far enough!You've said, 'We'll ride off on fast horses!' Do you think your pursuers ride old nags?Think again: A thousand of you will scatter before one attacker. Before a mere five you'll all run off.There'll be nothing left of you— a flagpole on a hill with no flag, a signpost on a roadside with the sign torn off."
18But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.God takes the time to do everything right—everything. Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.
19-22Oh yes, people of Zion, citizens of Jerusalem, your time of tears is over. Cry for help and you'll find it's grace and more grace. The moment he hears, he'll answer. Just as the Master kept you alive during the hard times, he'll keep your teacher alive and present among you. Your teacher will be right there, local and on the job, urging you on whenever you wander left or right: "This is the right road. Walk down this road." You'll scrap your expensive and fashionable god-images. You'll throw them in the trash as so much garbage, saying, "Good riddance!"
23-26God will provide rain for the seeds you sow. The grain that grows will be abundant. Your cattle will range far and wide. Oblivious to war and earthquake, the oxen and donkeys you use for hauling and plowing will be fed well near running brooks that flow freely from mountains and hills. Better yet, on the Day God heals his people of the wounds and bruises from the time of punishment, moonlight will flare into sunlight, and sunlight, like a whole week of sunshine at once, will flood the land.




Isn't that awesome! So many times I get distracted and I get caught up in worrying and trying to figure things out. I really need to remember that "In returning to Him and resting in Him I shall be saved. In quietness and trusting confidence will be my strength." (that's the NKJV of verse 15). I can say this with all truthfulness I need strength to get through stuff in the days ahead. Good stuff and not so fun stuff. The previous passage goes really well with Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength they shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall walk and not faint." I am so glad I don't have to walk through life completely on my own. I don't have to fight battles on my own. I am capable and confident when I rest in Him.

I think I will leave you with that.
Shalom

First Day!

Today was my first day back it was good, just a tish boring though :). We went through syllabuses and did a ton of dishes, actually we did every single dish in the kitchen! It's a little sad because a few people it would have been fun to have back aren't back. The first year class this year is huge 23 people I think. And there are only 4 girls. I feel bad for them being outnumbered so. So far I think that the year is looking good. Life here can only get more interesting.

Right now I am reading this awesome book entitled "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It's really good. It's very honest, truthful and full of thought provoking things. It reminds me of my parents and my aunt and uncle and a couple other couples I know. It's how I want to do it. I really don't want to do recreational dating, still it's hard to wait, when everyone around me is in some time of "romantic" relationship.

Hmmm I had another train of thought I wanted to follow and now I can't remember what it was... Oh well that's all for now I guess.

Peace Reigns, Love Wins and Joy is in the House!

Back to School

Here are some pics of my apartment all set up and ready for school. Here I am back at the place where I can say with all certainty is where God wants me to be. I am here with the confidence that He will walk me through and be my constant companion through it all. I may not feel ready but with God I can do it all and I choose to confess that this day.

Ok, I am done preaching at myself. What do you think of the view out my windows. Right now I can see and here a race going on over at the race track. It's loud and if it's like last year it will go late.

It is so weird to be back because it almost doesn't feel like I left. The summer almost feels like a distant dream. And it was a good summer.

Living in town does have it's benefits like going to the dollar store and finding Nichole Nordeman, Avalon, Audio A and Jump5 cds all for a dollar a piece. I was really excited because I really like Nichole Nordeman's music it has such an honest, raw quality. And Audio Adrenaline is a classic Christian band almost as classic as DCTalk. Speaking of music I should probably go and change my playlist soon. Oh and I pre-ordered Skillet's cd Awake back in June and it comes out next week. I'm super stoked. So a week from tomorrow I should have it in my hands along with my last paycheck. I'm looking forward to that.

Well I will try to keep on here a little bit better, I promise.

School....ALREADY!!! Yikes!!!!

I know I haven't been on here for awhile. I have been mulling some things over that I will soon post about. I CAN NOT believe that in a week and a half I will be living back in Hibbing for the school year and God only knows what comes after that (I don't say that lightly). A year ago I had no clue where I would be at and now here I am entering yet another new season of my life! I am excited but slightly hesitant. Anyways back to the present! This is my last week of my summer job, it's been good, but I have to say that I won't miss the 80 miles that I drive every day that I work. My car has held up through it all and I've been getting 30-36 miles to the gallon all summer. This is because I just get in my car and go there is only one stop sign and that's when I get to town. Tomorrow I am going to get my back to school haircut! I am pretty excited for that, since my bangs are always annoyingly in my eyes. They make it hard to berry pick. Tonight I went out with my mom and my sis Sal (check out here new blog with her friend ME www.modest--is--hottest.blogspot.com) and my mom and I picked about a gallon of berries each in 2 hours. So that's not too bad considering last week we went out about 3 hours and picked a gallon combined. This summer has been crazy weather wise. I don't know how many times I've driven to work and had to use my wipers. It's funny how many different types of weather you can see during a 40 mile drive :) I think part of the reason I'm kinda in "withdrawal" about the fact that school starts in 2 weeks it's because summer never really arrived, although it's supposed to be nice and warm for the next few days. I have to say it will be nice to have a change in weather even though I work for the next 3 days. The major project of putting books and shelves up is done! It's a great feeling and it looks really nice. There are a few more boxes to empty but first we must have another rummage sale. My mom did do pretty well getting rid of books, better than I expected! I'm hoping to get pictures up soon on here and my facebook. Sometimes I'm not sure where time goes, but I look and think oh I'm doing ok time wise and than I look again and time is gone. That is just one of my many ponderings. Hopefully I'll get on here again soon and post one of my more in depth blogs. Right now you'll all just have to be patient. Remember to F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely on God)

Ponderings That Never Seem to End....

I keep wanting to blog, but I keep putting it off because...well... I wanted to write something profound. Right now the thoughts that are circling aren't anything remarkable, but here I go...

Here I am approaching my second year of college and the final one to accomplishing the goal I set, in going for 2 years of culinary arts. And the future just seems so ominous. What in the world does the future hold? That is the question that just keeps going through my head....(breath a deep breath) I have so many dreams and ideas in my head and at this point they all seem to clash. I know I'll know more when I get there and that I could change some of my goals, I already have done that I few times... I guess trying to look 10 months into the future keeps me from freaking out too much about the near future. :) I hate having expectations because things rarely meet them. Yet expectations are inevitable. So I just keeping making the cycle. Really all in all I'm not too worried about the future I just want to know what to do about some of it. There seem to be no easy answers...

I keep throwing myself into all sorts of projects here at home and going to work, because so much of life just seems...I don't know... just so undecided. So many things I desire aren't for now and I can't get discontent. I'm enjoying where I am and I try to relax about somethings. My emotions keep getting all caught up in things and it's no fun trying to untangle them from reality. See this is why I haven't blogged everything I write just sounds confusing and terrible and things aren't terrible there are just a lot of unknowns for me right now, of course if I knew everything I'd be overwhelmed. I can see God working and even when I can't visibly see it, I can sense it. There are so many things I just want to change in my life and they all start with a choice, imagine that... it's up to me.... I don't know where I am going with all this I just thought I would let everyone see that...well...I really don't have things together right now, but I know things will work out. Until next time... :)

It's Been Awhile

I know it's been awhile since I blogged, but there really hasn't been anything to blog about. Right now I'm really hungry, and tired.... I've been busy working at work and working at home. I'm taking on a lot of little/big projects around the house in order to maximize my mother's space in the house. So far so good although in some places it's hard to tell I've done anything. Well I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive and life keeps moving by and by way to fast. Maybe I'll have something to blog about soon. At least I hope I will. Adios...

Tagged by ME

I was tagged so here goes:
What is your favorite food? Ravioli
Your favorite hot drink? Chocolate flavored Coffee
Your favorite cold drink? Root Beer Float
Your current favorite articles of clothing? Based on what I wear the most jeans and my VNO work shirt. I love my black vest a lot though.
What are you reading right now? Dreaming with God
What are your favorite movies right now? Bella, Fireproof,
What music do you listen to? "Christian" music Skillet, Barlowgirl and other life inspiring artists
What phrases/exclamations do you say often/are a family joke? "Shoot" "LOL"
What do you enjoy doing most? Reading and Cooking
If you were going somewhere dangerous in Middle-earth, Narnia, or The Lands Beyond, what would you take? My Bible, my dad, and my knives.
Who are your real-life role models? There are a few
Who are your fictional role models? Someone who does lives life to the fullest in wise and inspiring ways
If your life were a movie, who would play you? hmmm?????
What are you most afraid of? Failing
What are your favorite smells? Fresh Bread, babies and the smell that comes after it rains.
What is your favorite sound? Peace and Quiet
What is your favorite sight? A clean house?
If you had a CD, what would it be called? Life, Responsiblity and Peace

People, people, people

Not sure what the point of this will be but we'll see where it goes. I just thought since it's been awhile since I've blogged I should go for it, while I have a minute or so to spare.

I don't know why summer has to go so fast? Do you? Anyways I really don't want to go into all that. I am finding my summer job interesting. I really am peaceful and content with my job even though a lot of the time I feel like I want to be lazy and not drive to work, it's an hour drive :(. Still it's all good. I am working on saving the majority of my paychecks, since I don't have to pay anything but gas (thanks mom and dad!). I figure it's a good thing. Lately I have been working on helping my mom get some odds and ends done that have been hanging loose, because of the busyness of life. I've been enjoying my three year old brother and my six year old sister a lot the others are cool too. LOL

I've been trying to spend some time this summer getting back on track, setting some priorities. So far it's not going so great, but hey that's why I'm working on it. Life is not a piece of cake. Hmmm that makes my stomach growl. Now I want a whole cake to eat. Well maybe I'll blog more later. Gotta go take care of my tummy.

Awesome!

New video, home life, summer?, work

There is a new video of a new song being posted as I type! It's pretty good, he is using my guitar, lol. I am enjoying being home, working in E** makes for a busy life, but I'm usually done and home around 4- 4:30 so I have time to do stuff here and enjoy the family! I don't know if summer is actually here yet since it's still kind of almost freezing at night.
Well right now I don't have much to post so I will say adios!

P.S. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that I have now gotten a grand total of 4 scholarships to total $1250! All I can say is thank you JESUS! Once again I can go to school without any loans! I decide to take an extra class, by faith, not knowing where the extra money was coming from or how I am going to make it with the workload I am making for myself. Well now I know about the money, now just have to trust that the Lord will help me through the class. Oh and another piece of good news is that my final grades came out and I have a 4.0 for my first year of college. Once again all I have to say is Thank you LORD!

HOME

I'm home for the summer! Well I guess we shall see how much time I'll actually get to spend at home, lol. I am just grateful for the time away from the atmosphere that college provides.

Moving back is alot of work! I have had to rearrange my entire bedroom in order to fit stuff back so that it's liveable. I took some before pics and I'll have to take after pics once I actually get done. There is still work to do. And my car and suburban are still full. Ahhhhhhh! It's a little overwhelming. I collected way too much stuff, but hey it was 9 months! I guess I'll know better what I need when I go back in August, plus I'll have a roommate so that will change somethings as well. Well I need to go get ready to go to church. Just thought that I would let all those in blog world know where I am at and that I won't be on as much due to the fact that for my to log on I have get my laptop and sit in the schoolroom. Whereas in Hibbing I could be anywhere in my apartment and blog. Not too mention how busy I'll be!

Sitting Here Thinking

I have about an hour before I have to be at work. And I am sitting here thinking about a lot of stuff so I thought I would let you all in on a few of my very deep thoughts. LOL!



In one week I will be home and trying to rearrange 9 months of stuff, so that my room will be liveable for the 3 months I will be home. I think by the time it's how I want it to be it will be time for me to move back to Hibbing for my second year of culinary. Oh well, life is meant to be interesting. This summer I will be doing housekeeping in El* at an outfitters there. It should be interesting.

I hosted a few "parties" in the last few weeks. I believe I mentioned one in my last blog. I had fun hanging with friends even though it got late and I was tired and still am tired. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I got see some sides of people that I wouldn't have ever seen otherwise. I don't know what I am supposed to do with any of it. Ecspecially when it has to do with two certain people. I hate feeling like I am reading things into certain things. For some I would love to be wrong about others I would just like to understand. I got to here some different music... The Spill Canvas has some interesting music, that's for sure, and that was only one of them. I now have some music that one of my classmates did. It's really good.

College is definitely a learning experience. I have learned and grown a lot over the past year. I've walked through stuff that could have totally freaked me out, if not for the grace of God. I have lots of stories to tell, that I am not going to go into right now. Life is so good. I just wish that it didn't have to change so much. I was reading a book while waiting for someone to come over today, it's one I've heard before but it was difinetly worth reading again..."True courage is not the abscence of fear. It is refusing to allow fear to control your actions." Here is one that correlates as well, "Slavery to fear is much worse than the bruises and scars of a few falls." As I was reading, I was also listening to music and these lyrics caught my attention-

But I won't question in the dark
What is true out in the light
I will follow after You
Through the sun and through the night
Cause You've got me
Right where You want me
Yeah You've got me
Right where I need to be
And I'm standing amazed

These lyrics caught my attention because it's something that I have battled with. How many times do I question the Lord when things aren't going how I want and I am discouraged, but the principles and things that I know are still true they just seem really quiet. I'm tired of questioning in the dark when I know what's true. If that makes since. I've had the reassurance throughout this last year that I am right where He has wanted me to be. And in the good times I do stand amazed, now in those dark times I just have to remember that. I hope my ramblings make some sense.

Well I have to be to work in about 10 mintues so I had better get moving.

Later-

Almost Done

I am almost done and I am very relieved. Last week was so STRESSFUL! I really just want to go home, even though I am going to have to rearrange everything for 3 months. I had to walk through so many things last week, it's not even the least bit funny. There were a few good times like walks with a friend, I had a party, my paycheck was bigger than I expected. Really right now I should not be on here... I onve again have way to much to do since I have procrastinated all day. I have 2 papers to do before Tuesday and finals to get ready for. I really don't even want to think about it at all. Anyways right now I'm not really in a good mood. I really wish I was and that I hadn't put off all my homework and stuff. I'm tired too. Well I had better get back to work on my papers and typing recipes. I just wish this was all over, but hey it all will be soon.

Final

By the way my culinary practical final is on Tuesday... I'm hoping for the best! I'm praying for God's peace, wisdom, and confidence to get me through.

Sarcasm

Ok here it goes!

I'm almost done with my first year of college and although I thought I could almost take a sigh of relief, I find that I have a couple of hurdles to jump and hedges to look around. And I'm not too excited about the one that will be happening the soonest, I just hope that it's not what I think it is. I'm sorry the specifics on that one will remain vague....

Anyways as the year is winding down and I look back over and contemplate my interactions with my classmates, I find that I have found a not so great coping mechanism.... SARCASM. I understand that it might not be that big a deal, but I feel convicted. There is always so much teasing, so many negative conversations and a word play/twisting swirling around me. And how do I respond... Sarcasm. I often find myself suddenly having something quick to respond with to whoever is conversing with me. Don't get me wrong, I never talk inappropriately! I just respond quickly and to their often "interesting" (if you know what I mean) comments. I enjoy the word play that can go back and forth, but is responding that way always right? I do know one thing most of the time sarcasm tears down, it doesn't build up, like the Bible says that our communication should. That is why I feel convicted. I feel stuck in this rut that I have put myself in while entering into the day to day banter of my culinary classes. Everybody does it! I don't want to tear down, because I fully realize that something said sarcastically or as a joke can come back and haunt you and the person that you said it to. In the greek it literally means "to tear flesh". Pretty terrible huh?

Here are a few things that I have found that I am going to try to remember with the Holy Spirit's prompting. "He who guards his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction" "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness." "The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, But the heart of the fool does not do so." "A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!" "The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; The wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook." "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles." "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But whoever restrains his lips is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is worth little, The lips of the righteous feed many, But fools die for lack of wisdom" And this one always gets me "Life and death are in the power of the tongue, those who love it shall eat its fruit." In James it talks about the power of the tongue being like the small rudder of a ship steering a big ship or a small spark setting a forest fire. Then in Colossians it says that our speech is to be graceful, and seasoned with salt as Mathew says that we are the salt of the earth. How's that for convicting? It sure has gotten to me.

I have an excuse though it's how I hide what I'm really feeling. It has also become how I cope with the "stuff" that goes on. SARCASM has become a BAD habit. It's how I interact to "fit" in without compromising. But yet I have because I'm not always speaking life! It's so easy to say something sarcastic and have everyone laugh and then it's no longer about me. So what am I supposed to do?

I haven't figured out all the answers to this nagging question... Sarcasm? Do? or Don't? I guess there is a place for it sometimes, maybe? I just know that it's something I'm beginning to watch more carefully, I'm just concerned that my tongue will become very battered and bruised from me continually having to bite it. If I'm using sarcasm as a method of hiding and coping, what's the truth behind my classmates, sarcasm and word plays? Maybe if I hold my tongue more I can listen to the truth behind the veil of sarcasm and the word plays they are constantly welding.

Learning to bite my tongue and listen is the new habit I will be practicing tomorrow and the days to come. As the old saying goes "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."

Well....

I really don't know where the time exactly goes (I know that I seem to always come back to this), but it's true. I am down to only 3 1/2 weeks of school left. It's incredible that I am almost done with my first year of college.

This last week was really busy and I missed my computer class all week and it's canceled on Monday. My culinary classes went well though so that is a really good feeling. I'm feeling more confident all around in the kitchen. On Monday the whole class went to the food show in Duluth it was really interesting. I tasted a lot of food, including an apple pear, passion fruit, and Captain Ken's bake beans, plus a whole lot more. Then on Tuesday I participated in prepping for the foundation dinner which was fun and a ton of work for it all to be over in an hour. For the first time I tried Calamari, and the texture is indescribably weird. There was also cured salmon with a cucumber dill sauce the sauce was amazing and I don't like cucumbers. The fried plantains were really good so was the galiantine. The theme of the appetizers and main entree was the pirates of penzance. So Wednesday was a 13 hour day in the kitchen, needless to say it was a crazy day! I did get all the homework from the last week done and turned in. Thursday was the Empty Bowl, which is a fundraiser for the Food Shelf. It was pretty relaxed in the kitchen, we spent quite a bit of time just kind of cleaning the kitchen. Not fun but better than standing around doing nothing. The last 2 weeks of school will more than likely pretty much consist of cleaning the kitchen for the summer. That should be "fun"?!

There are still some things that need to be done around here, like a tiny bit of computer homework. I need to upload pics to Walmart so that I can get them before I move back home! Once again my apartment is messy, my bathroom really needs to be cleaned, and I absolutely have to do laundry tomorrow. I plan on doing it early so that I don't have to deal with a lot of people hanging out, they should all still be sleeping on a Saturday morning ecspecially after a pajama party. Please don't ask, I was "invited", but I haven't a clue!

I am really looking forward to leaving and taking a break from the craziness of people here. Most of the time it is okay. Still there are some beliefs, values and attitudes that I could really do without and it is true that some of them are mine. All of the sudden I'm tired, it's been kind of a long day. Plus I do have to work tomorrow afternoon and I need to run some errands. I'm almost ready to start seriously preparing to move back home. I have a feeling that time is going to go way too fast until then and that the summer is going to fly and school will start all over, but hey I'm getting way to ahead of myself now. Although thinking that far ahead is not stressing me out and that is a very good feeling! I think I had better head to bed now. Until later ya'll

Busy, busy, busy

I have been really busy. Right now it feels like my life has been a blur. I have been meaning to get on here and post, but between homework, housework, school, work, work and sleeping I honestly feel behind. Still I am surviving and even thriving right now, accept for this headache that's pounding in my head. I think it's from to much sugar and not enough water. Now that I have IPC homework turned in, the quiz over with, computer applications assignment done, the 2nd years dinner invitations basically done, 2 scholarship applications mailed, registered for class in the fall, all the paperwork for my summer job finished up, financial aid info verified and the article for work emailed in, I decided I should take a moment to write. I still have: 2 final projects to complete, one part of one of them is due next week, at least one extra credit paper in IPC to write, an apartment to clean, new computer stuff to figure out, to find out if I should register for another class for fall (my work load will then be 21 credits), figure out how I'm going to live this summer, go through a stack of magazines, and get paperwork taken care of for an apartment in August. One of my far stretching goals that I have are to get in shape, even though I can spend 12 hours on my feet and not be too tired at the end. I'm sure there are more I just can think of them right now, I am so tired mentally and physically right now. There is a lot of school related stuff going on in the next 5 weeks! There are times I don't think I can keep up. I'm so thankful for the Lord's joy as it is the strength I am thriving on right now. I have so many things to be thankful for right now, I'm definitely counting my blessings. I'll have to tell more later as it is most definitely time for me to get some shut eye. I will do my best to get on here again to post some thoughts on some very relevant matters.

The weekend

For those who asked me to put up more music done by my mosted talented siblings, I posted some on youtube. The address is www.youtube.com/user/Tisktisk123

I don't have much time to be on here today. I'm back in Isabella watching my siblings and trying to get stuff ready to go tomorrow not just for me, but for the family. My great-grandma died last week.... The funeral is on Monday. We have to leave tomorrow. I am very sad that she is gone, yet I know that she is indeed in heaven a place where moth and rust don't destroy and where thieves can't break in and steal, a place with no more pain and suffering. She will be missed.

My parents are at AGLOW in Grand Rapids, they went yesterday and they should be back sometime later tonight. Probably for the first time they met someone who knew me and they were Kjersten's parents. I thought that that was funny, because it's always been "oh your Darrell Todd's daughter." Anyways I had better get busy. I have to make supper too. Last night I didn't know what I was making for supper until 5:30 and I had it done by 6:30. Still I made it up as I went along. Oh well, I guess the munchkins will have stories to tell about me. LOL!

Life is good, Eternal life is better!

Grateful.....

I am so grateful for my dad and my mom! This weekend was tough. I got blindsided with "stuff" a huge mind battle with the side effects of discouragement, grumpiness, crankiness, frustration, irritation, and a sense of just oppression. I fought really hard, then I decided I had to call my dad and he prayed with me and I felt freeer and I had a good evening. Then today I got hit with a lot of emotion. Again I called my parents they walked me through and prayed with me. It was a hard weekend for me and not a lot of fun. I am very thankful that I have people that I can go to when I'm struggling and can't do it on my own. I am determined and confessing that this week will be my best week in a month. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I have also been trying to listen to some of my really good music that I really know by heart and that has helped too.

Music is powerful. It played a big part in my attitude and me getting through my teen years at home. It's helped to settle things in my heart, served as a reminder, helped me through the bad times and the good times. There are days I struggle to press in and connect with the Lord and the one thing that has always worked to get me in a tune with the Lord is music. I love my music!

Anyways I need to work on some homework, fill out an application, tidy up before the week starts and maybe start some seeds.

Life is good and getting better! Hallelujah!!!!

Life is a Beautiful Thing

What is life really worth? I was just watching the movie "Bella" if you haven't seen it you should, it's really good. You really have to watch in more than once to fully understand it. I'm sitting here crying as the credits roll. We take life to lightly. Life is valuable. "Bella" is a movie about a lady considering abortion and how one guy takes the time to listen and share is story about his feelings on the sanctity and value of life. How often do we really consider how lightly we take/consider/value human life. Did you ever stop to think...about why you're here? I've been thinking lately about how all these laws that are being passed for things that are morally and Biblically incorrect, and how everyone is fighting for the laws to be changed. Don't get me wrong, I want laws to reversed and I don't agree with them in any way, but in these days it has to be less about laws and more about reaching out to people and touching their lives so that they are affected day after day. As each day goes by, it becomes more about the matters of the heart. Please don't get so caught up in the day to day monotony, or the frustration or exhaustion or discouragement, that you forget how important and valuable each and every life is. Everybody is here for a reason there is a plan and purpose, nobody is a mistake. God knew you when you were yet unformed. My prayer tonight is that the Lord will help me to remember to not take life for granted. In remembering the value and sanctity of life I think I'll be a lot less ungrateful and complain a lot less. Life is valuable and so are people, young and old, helpless, or completely independent.

I'm not sure I'm saying this how I want to say it, but the gist of it is here as well as my heart.

I'm tired, and it's almost over!

I am really tired right now. I guess it's a good tired, since I have been really busy during spring break. I have to go back to Hibbing on Sunday. It's been really nice to have a break. I have been helping my mom unpack and reorganize stuff that has been packed for 2 1/2 years. It's been a lot of work. It's been good to keep myself busy or I probably spent my time contemplating and which would have led to frustration and discouragement. Which would have been bad. I got a lot of work done and I am in a pretty good place, a little emotional though. But I've been dealing with that a lot lately. I only have 10 weeks of school left! I am excited about that. It should go pretty fast. This will have to brief. As I am trying to relax and prepare myself for the next 10 weeks, because they are going to be full weeks!

Time is flying! Just thought I would try to get a post in. I might have pictures of my spring break to post....later....

I don't know why I'm doing this right now

I'm not sure why I'm sitting in the game room of my apartment building when I should be getting ready to leave for a week?? I guess because I'm hungry and I was out until after 1 am or maybe I should just leave it at that. I really enjoy the one night a week that I take to be irresponsible, and before anybody says whoa that's not good and I get scolded. I go out on Friday nights after work and hang out with a bunch of young adults on church property until late into the night. The only thing irresponsible in it is that I'm out late. Anyways it was a good time and as always very interesting. You just have to love that about the human race as long as we're human we will act human and make life interesting for ourselves and others.

I am so glad that the last 2-4 weeks are over. One midterm is done, my first 4 weeks in the other kitchen are done, I'm recovering from whatever bug was attacking me (no not a literal bug!), I get to go home and leave this atmosphere and the emotional and everyday drama that is continually going on here. I'm so happy. I NEED a break DESPERATELY. The upside is that I am FINALLY connecting with other believers. They are so hard to find. The Chi Alpha group on campus is growing, yeah, and I'm connecting more with the people from the young adult group I go to.

My life has just kind of felt the a roller coaster. And I know that it's just going to get busier as spring sets in! I'm really excited for Spring, it's definitely in the air! Yesterday I ran errands in just a sweatshirt, no coat. It was like a whole 40 degrees outside. LOL!!! Well I had better go and do my stuff since I have to work at 1 and I need to have stuff done so that I can go home TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I'm excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A video

Here is a video of Kutless. Can you hear the fun?

Concert pics finally

Disciple's signing line

Kutless

My big little brother lol

Disciple

Stellar Kart

Wow this is sooooo Random

It's almost Spring break! And then I only have 10 weeks of class left! It's time to start studying for midterms! It's going way too fast, yet sometimes it doesn't go fast enough. Really though I am quite content to live my life the way I'm living it right now. And that way is busy, busy, busy.... And by the way this blog has no point just to make you aware of that fact early on. My brain is just really hyper right now.

I'm really looking forward to spring so that I can be outside without the risk of frostbite ;P. I'm just kidding, but really it has been cold and the last few days have been snowy and windy. I want to go barefoot in the warm dirt and smell spring and be able to take a walk and see the new life that spring brings. I'm not wishing the time away I'm just really anticipating what's to come.

Right now my stomach is making weird protests it wants food, seriously I don't really feel like eating so it should just stop wanting food, Right?

My eating habits the last few weeks have been terrible. My intentions of exercise and better eating habits are merely that intentions that seem content to flit through my head, they have yet to actually stick. There are few other things that I have good intentions about, too. I know that I need to make a change rather than just an intention. I just feel so busy and lazy when I'm not busy. Really truly seriously I just need to make a decision and stick to it. I know that's the answer, but sometimes it just feels like there are things you have to be able to just have so that you don't have to do them so that feels good. I don't know. I do know that that's not a good attitude to have. And it's one I need to change, but I don't FEEL like it. I am human you know I don't have it altogether like everyone seems to think I do. I feel like I'm lying to people when they think I'm just a perfect, serious, responsible, person all the time. I am most definitely human. Yet in reality I do my best to walk in the Light with the Word of God as my guide. So in a sense compared to how so many people live and view things I'm a "perfect goody-two-shoes". I am human and I do struggle, I just have the good guy on my side. I certainly hope that I am making sense and that I don't later regret posting this, sense I'm like functioning of adrenaline and sugar left over from a very uneventful day of school. I make wrong choices and I have to live with my mistakes.

I get to work tomorrow and Saturday. I like being busy and the money is nice. Yet that is the one thing that I'm starting to try to change my mind about. I don't want to be consumed by it. I find that all too often lately I'm thinking and changing the hours I put into work into $ signs. It's not bad to think about money, but it shouldn't be my focus right now. I've been convicted that it's the wrong mindset and you are all witness to the fact that I'm choosing to not be conformed to the world's way of thinking about money, instead I choose to be transformed by the renewing of my mind to God's Word. I choose to instead dwell on the fact that all my needs are supplied, I choose not to worry about tomorrow, I choose to focus on the fact that my Father God has supplied everything I have needed and will need. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. I don't want to be so consumed with what's happening tomorrow that I miss out on today. I want to live every day to it's fullest. I'm not here on this earth to just live every day in the mundane until I die and go to be with Him. I'm here because He has an amazing plan and purpose for my life each and every single day. A plan for me to prosper for good and not for evil. There is a reason I am here breathing, there is a reason I'm alive. Since I'm submitted and living for the Lord, there is a plan and purpose for where I am. Some of it I may never fully understand, but that's alright.

Hmmmm I'm not really sure how I got into all this, but I guess I needed it. I guess blogging is good for something. I seem to always end up preaching to myself and encouraging myself.

Really seriously it's never my intent to blog about what I end up blogging about, some how though it happens. Well I have to stop procrastinating hanging up my wet laundry. Plus my adrenaline is giving up and my eyes are getting heavy and I'm going to start yawning. I have a lot I need to accomplish this weekend so I need some good sleep. I really do intend to post pics from the concert on here, but right now I'm feeling too lazy. Don't worry I'm going to change and choose to do something about that this weekend just not right now. LOL See I really do have procrastination problems that I'm trying to break.

I am sooooo thankful that tomorrow is a new day!!!!!

For my sister KGT and brother JET

I Have to Blog

I like so have to blog. Times have felt a little rough and I've been like incredibly busy with life and "stuff". I feel like finally I have a breakthrough, I feel like I have my joy back to the fullest. Not that it was lost, I just felt like I was having to fight really hard for it.

Last night something happened that really encouraged me and I have been praying for it for awhile somewhere around 3-4 years, I think. In all reality it was small, but the fact that because of it I was up until 1:30 am and so I only got like 6 hours of sleep last night and today was my best day of school for like almost 2 weeks and normally I don't function very well without sleep. I feel like God really prepared me for it in the couple weeks.

I hope to finally finish the blog that I started on some of the stuff that I have just really been seeking the Lord on due to all of the sudden finding it around every corner. Maybe I'll even get some pictures posted from the concert that my brother and I went to. It was a great concert! I should have time this weekend I have to work for about 4 or 5 hours the next two nights as well as tomorrow morning. Plus I have some homework and I have some cleaning I have to stop procrastinating and just do it.

I just wanted to post and say that I finally feel a release from the baggage that was trying to hold me down and it's amazing feeling. I can't even describe it... I refuse to let this joy and victory be stolen from me. God is good and nothing can stop His goodness. He really is working behind the scenes even when we can't see Him clearly in our circumstances. And prayer really does work, sometimes you just have to keep bombarding the gates of Heaven, to keep standing in the gap for those areas that need help. Don't give up, by refusing to lose ground you gain it. VICTORY!!

Cost of Living

Here is an article I found that's very true and really encouraging to me right now.


Cost of Living by Jason Vallotton
The cost of living is high; it is not for the weak or the faint at heart. Anyone can survive but not everyone can truly live. Living requires courage; it will take all the tenacity that you can muster. Talk a walk down the path of life and along the way you will find many surprises. Men are shaped by the heavy storms that adversity brings, if you are smart, you will prepare ahead of time. The high road is never the easy road; it will grind you down to the bone and reveal the weakness on the inside. You will be given the opportunity to take advantage of each obstacle that comes in your way, for the visionary, these look like advancements, to the lazy man these look like “unfortunate times”. A man with out vision will never take the high road, there are to many punishing storms that drown the week and break the un determined. These men hope for good jobs and steady pay, they settle for mediocrity and patriotism only to forget that it was the paid bills of another man that created this freedom that they so carelessly enjoy. There are no hero’s without war; no victories with out a battle, there cannot be a testimony with out a test and no advancement without resistance. What are you in this life? What category do you fall into? Living must be intentional; failing to plan is planning to fail. Success does not knock on anyone’s door; it is hidden for the kings of this earth to search out. To measure your success in life you have to take a look at your potential and then go beyond that. We are not called to what we can do; we are measured against the standard of Heaven. If you are living in what you can manage, then you are settling for what you can produce and that is way below Heavens standard. Try taking a step beyond what you are capable of and place your foot in the steps of Jesus. So you don’t think you have what it takes, you are right, this road requires supernatural help. Our battles are not against flesh and blood, we are not fighting human beings or bad decisions we are warring against a force that is unseen to the human eye. Your discernment will be honed and your courage will be heavily tested. Living the good life is living a life that is out of your control with the peace of God covering you. Control is almost a myth, you can control yourself but you cannot control the circumstances of life, you can only decide what your response will be to these events. A response should be pre meditated, it comes through the years of structure that has been carefully crafted inside of a person. Building structure inside of you takes years of renewing your mind and consuming truth. The more you eat, the stronger you will be, eat once a week at church and you will be anemic unable to fight or feed yourself. The cost of living is high. Life is worth living and it is worth living right. Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it will not grow. Count the cost before you start; look at your life with the end in mind. We are all going to die someday, but we will not all live. What will you be?

Battling for Breakthrough

I have been battling for breakthrough the last few days. There is a situation that has finally come to a head and I'm having to deal with it. I thought that it was no longer an issue. It's not been fun. There have also been a few other things that when added to the mix just compound into a battle. But notice how I said I'm battling as in fighting for victory. I refuse to to give in to the garbage that the enemy is throwing my way. It's not that the situation is so terrible, it's the fact I'm fighting to not let it control my life, I'm doing my best to NOT make it the center of my attention, only God gets to hold that position. I refuse to give in, I refuse to budge on my stance. I'm not going to give into the discouragement and lies that are coming against me. I'm not going to let ANYTHING stop me from moving forward towards what God has for me. I refuse to move backwards.

It's amazing how I have had so much breakthrough especially since September and even more so, since I came back to school in January. Like I can't even explain it. I can feel God moving in my life. Even though throughout the last couple days I have felt pretty discouraged, just typing about the goodness of God puts me in this incredible place of just feeling God's goodness. Giving God the glory, revives me, gives me life, it even makes it easier for me to breath.
Don't get me wrong I feel frustrated. If I think about it too much I feel discouraged. I feel uncertain about my new class at school. Life isn't just peaches and cream right now. I've cried more in the last few days than I have for awhile. I just feel a resilience, a strength and a peace. I am so grateful for it, since the road definitely feels a little rough in some areas at the moment.

If you're battling for breakthrough in some area, remember as long as you're battling you're still going through, so don't stop, we'll come out victorious and gain ground when we come out on the other side, with God on our side ianything is possible!!!!!

I got tagged

Ten things I haven't blogged about before.

1. I live in an apartment all by myself.
2. My procrastination problems
3. I love going to concerts (I'm going to see Kutless, Disciple, Stellar Kart and Esterlyn on the 15th).
4. My favorite colors are blue and silver.
5. Someday I want a car with silver flames on the side, not sure what kind of car yet.
6. My dad is a minister.
7. I like taking pictures.
8. I love picking blueberries in the summer time.
9. I've recently been considering getting more ear piercings.
10. Since I live by myself I mostly just snack on healthy food, I only cook about once a week.

Five of my addictions (not in any specific order).
1. Reading
2. Snacking (healthy food)
3. using the internet
4. overthinking things
5. blogging

A week in my life

I really wonder where my life is going... The days either go by way to fast or way to slow, I'm not sure which it all depends on what time I am contemplating the speed of the day. Anyways, right now I am working 2 jobs, both are on campus, since I want the flexibility of school holidays and jobs are really hard to find right now. I enjoy both jobs, I for the most part enjoy school, I enjoy my life here too. Yet I keep finding this inexpicable discontentment and this desire for life just to speed up, so that I can be done with everything here. Maybe it's spring fever, I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that it's not right, I really need to enjoy where I am at on the way to where I'm going. I don't want to rush through life and at the end find that I could have enjoyed it a lot more as well as doing a lot more. I don't know...

I'm feeling a little more confident about my IPC class. Which is good. I really would like to do well in both "non-culinary" classes this semester. I figure just showing up and doing my absolute best is the best way that I can get a good grade. I had to work last night so I tried to get the majority of my homework done on Sunday night, so that I had it done, but Monday morning came and I still had some reviseing to do. I didn't get done with work until 9:30 p.m. though so I had to come back and finish it at like 10:30 pm and then I had to get up at like 5:30 am so that I study for the quiz today. Work last night was good, it was the college's movie night and so I get to sit in and watch the movie "Miracle" it's about a hockey team winning the olympics in 1980 it was pretty good. the whole time I watched it I was like praying little popcorn prayers. It was kind of inspiring. There were just little things that kept reminding me of traits that I really desire in life. It was a good time between me and the Lord. I suppose that I could have sat out and studied, but you know what it was really nice to be able to sit back and just communicate with my Father God. And I feel that I did pretty well on the quiz and the assignment. I won't know for sure until the instructor hands them back, but still I have confidence in the Lord flowing through me to help me do my best.

My life is definitely not perfect here, I hope that I'm not portraying things like my life is perfect and I have a perfect relationship with God. There are times that I really want to scream, cry, yell and just not be here. I struggle way too much with way too much.

Well I'm not really sure what the point of this blog is. I guess I just wanted to write. I have some homework to do and some work study to do

Awesome God

Today has been a blessed day. I am continually amazed at the goodness of the Lord when I follow Him. It can be so hard to explain how I see and feel and just know that He has His hand on things. His timing is so awesome. Most of the time for me it's not really big "happenings" it's the small things, that all come together to create the big picture. So much of the time I get so impatient, I want things to happen in my time the way I want them too. Yet when my Father God orchestrates things with His favor involved.... There is absolutely no way to describe how exhilarating and incredible it feels, to have things happen and just know that it was Him. To think He cares for me so much that He reveals Himself in a hundred million ways over and over again. Things like money for school, a dream, a simple conversation, favor from my employer, a sudden remembrance of something that is needed, learning something new about someone, going to the laundry room at the perfect time, or just being somewhere you need to be at the just the right time. I love going through the day and all the sudden it hits me that what just happened was totally and incredibly God.

There are those days that I get discouraged, nothing goes right, I have terrible conversations, I do something wrong, or it's just a really bad day. The last month has been tough. But I know when the joy of the Lord is my strength those bad days don't come as often and when they are over they don't constantly nag at me. I just have to remember to enter into that joy. When God's on my side anything is possible. I have struggled with so much in the last year with so many things and there have been so many changes and so many curve balls thrown at me. I don't think I could have made it this far or keep on going without the continually realizing that I really am self sufficient only because of Christ's sufficiency. That I am infused with the anointed one's inner strength and living under His grace ( God's power and ability in me to do what He's called me to do). I don't think I would survive much less thrive without God in my life and I'm not sure how people live without Him. I still have a lot to learn on how to rely totally and completely on Him. But I am so totally willing to learn because every time I experience Jesus Christ's presence in my life, it's a miracle that I can't and refuse to live without. The cry of my heart is to constantly know that I am pursuing and living out my destiny so that I can truly be all that He has called me to be, because only than will I truly be fulfilled and satisfied.

It really works!

You know what you don't know what to pray but you know you need to because things just haven't been going right? Well just saying "God, help me" really works. Today went better than the rest of the week and I spent 12 hours of it in school. I probably whispered that prayer 20+ times today. I'm so glad I have God on my side! I really don't know what I would do otherwise.

This week just didn't feel like it went right, there were good parts. And I'm still not too sure about my IPC class.... I'm a more than a little concerned about the quiz today. Still with God all things are possible! I have strength for all things in Christ Who impowers me I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses inner strength into me; I am self sufficient through Christ's sufficiency, that's what I have to keep confessing over myself.

I am soooo thankful that today was my last day on bakery! It went really well considering the week it has been. Today we had a group of kids from Barnum came in and they got to get their hands dirty (or should I say clean) with helping do some bakery stuff. I hope they had fun and that I explained things well. Normally, I would try to get out of it and not enjoy it since I have to interact in a different way with people I don't know and yet I actually enjoyed it. All I can say is "thanks God." Then earlier this week I volunteered to work an evening function within the culinary program. It was kind of fun, pretty simple, yet time consuming. Afterwards we got to eat leftovers. It was prime rib, au gratin potatoes, a sauteed veggie medley, and cream of red pepper soup, with eclair type swans for dessert. The prime rib was amazing. Yes I know there are perks to being in the culinary arts program. My taste buds feel great, but my feet sure hurt. :) All day is was one class after another.

I am so glad for the fact that the Lord can help filter stuff, within our minds. A lot of people had a bad week, and when people are crabby they tell more dirty jokes and talk about soooo many things that I really don't want to hear about much less have it get stuck in my head. Sometimes the people I am around and the situations I am in just make my head spin.

This is probably long enough and I want to go do a couple things as well as get some sleep. Even though tomorrow is a day off, I need to go in and sharpen my knives, not a lot of fun. I am looking forward to going to a young adult group at a nearby church tomorrow night. I'm not sure what all this semester is going to hold, much less this weekend. I am so thankful that God is on my side!

Reflective Ramblings

With the knowledge of road condtions in mind yesterday morning I decided to take more mileage versus icy, unsafe roads. I’m sure that the times would have been about the same. Anyways during my 4 hour drive (I took a half hour break in there) I had plenty of time to reflect. Sometimes it feels so weird to think that I’m 18, in college, living on my own, making my own decisions and just trying to be the adult that I was raised to be. Really I in no way feel like I’m “old enough”. I have a feeling that that little phrase will be in the back of my head the rest of my life as I often here it uttered by my parents or grandparents and many other poeple.

That said today has been pretty normal. For supper I'm having a Mexican bean bake which I am making unvegetarian by adding some chicken. It's very interesting. I made it yesterday and I decided that it did need chicken even though it is a complete protein without the chicken. I guess the last few days have been days for reflecting. I'm really not sure what I've been reflecting in the entire time, oh well. I did enjoy being home and spending time with my family.

Well I have to go study for a quiz on Thursday in IPC (Interpersonal Communications). Life sure is interesting.

A loooong weekend

I get a long weekend since there is no school on Monday. They rarely cancel school here no matter what. Of course I do have to work tomorrow night and Saturday afternoon. I'm hoping I get to go home Saturday after work so that I can celebrate my brother's 16th birthday, do laundry, have my mom's advice on my homework and get away from everything here. I can't believe that I already want to escape from stuff in my life. Really... I've only had 4 days of school. Another benefit of going home is that I get to go to Church in the Woods. I enjoy going to church there.

My math class should be easy, it's pretty basic, but my IPC class that's a different story. I think it will strech me big time. My computer class... I'm not sure what to think about it....

My car is having problems, I'm sooo thankful my daddy is willing to help me. He traded cars with me, as my car doesn't seem to like to start. It did start in cold weather before and now it's not starting.

Well I want to run to the library quick so that I have something to do tonight, even though I should start my homework ;).

It's cooooolllllld outside!!!!!!

Cold is not my thing. Ecspecially when my car does not start and I have to walk to work.

Anyways, I started two out of my three new classes so far. And I am going to be buuuuusssssyyyyy, this semester. At least I am not alone. One of my classmates and I are going to get together and do our homework for our Computer Applications class together on Fridays. I don't have any class on Fridays!!! It means I get a long weekend. More time to do homework, I guess. I really don't have much exciting to say. My culinary classes are a lot of work on my feet for pretty much 6 hours straight. As of right now I'm on bakery and it's pretty fun.

Later.....

Back at School

Well I'm back at my apartment so that I can start my second semester on Monday. And wow is it weird to be back! This, as my very first blog isn't going to be very long. I figured I should get started my first day back at school otherwise I might never actually start.

I'm really thankful that I for the Lord's provision, as of right now I will not have to go into any debt for my entire first year of school. I'm just in awe of His awesomeness in providing in entirely unexpected and surprising ways, not just in money, but also in every area of my life. My parents have lived the life of faith my entire life, the Lord's provision never gets old.

I had better go so I can talk to one of my little sisters!