I'm sitting here taking deep breaths. Stress is a really easy place to fall into. I wish it wasn't. I find myself at various parts of the day at work having to fight to keep myself calm. There is always something going on at work, I am thankful that in 5 days my summer job will be done! Even though I have no idea what I am really doing. Only God knows and I haven't been clued in on the purpose yet. As my Aunt told me if I knew why I feel like I am supposed to go and live in "D" I would probably try to make it happen myself. That's probably true. Fighting for a cause that you have no clue about is frustrating at times. I have no idea what my next steps need to be. School starts in thirteen days! I can hardly believe it. I don't have a place to live near the college yet, so I will be driving an hour and a half each way, three days a week. I have never been to the school, I have had so many mood swings on going to this school, because it has been a fight from the beginning on being able to actually attend classes. Everything from not being able to talk to someone about questions, to financial aid stuff coming late for awhile I didn't think I would have enough aid to go to school, to people not being willing to help me, and not being able to register for classes. Now I have to actually go to the school and look around, I have never been there, I have to get books as well.
Since I am driving back and forth I won't be able to get a job (unless the Lord provides one). I feel like I'm going in blind in so many ways. I feel inadequate for the jobs ahead, and I don't even know what they are. I have decided that I don't want to have a plan B. I just need plan A, since my desire is to have the Lord direct my steps. It sure is a wild ride, one that I really want to get more accustomed to so that I can enjoy each step of the journey, every view from both the mountain tops and the valleys. With God as my plan A you can see how a plan B is inconceivable.
I'm not sure if my blogging is a good thing or a bad thing. I am hoping to blog more on cooking and stuff, as fall comes around and I have more time to play in the kitchen. There are so many things that I want to learn and try out. So I'm hoping to share those insights for anyone who wants to read my blogging mumbo jumbo ;)
