So I know I don't get on here much, I don't feel like I have much to say and I always seem to start out every blog this way. I will try to do better :D So this last weekend I went on a retreat with University Christian Fellowship/Chi Alpha and it was totally amazing. It rocked my world! I went into the weekend with the mindset that this was going to be an oppurtunity for it to be me and God. I knew that that was what my focus needed to be. And He met me there. The worship was amazing, everyone just connected with God and you could just feel His love being poured out on everyone. Pretty much everyone had a testimony about what God did in thier lives. There was also some really good teaching. It was pretty much all about intimacy with God. This is what has been on my heart lately a lot. A few weeks ago as I was getting out of the shower I had the phrase "passionate pursuit" rolling around in me and than a week later the words "true intimacy" came to my heart. Both go together, I didn't really study it out but it's something I've really been pondering for the last couple weeks.
See in moving to this town, I don't really feel like I know the reason I'm here I feel like I'm in this holding place, where I'm not looking back but I can't see the future. Coming to this place hasn't been an easy process. After school in Hib-town and my summer job I was burned out, stressed out, and tired out. The last two years although filled with victories were a real battle for me. I didn't want to deal with anyone. I didn't really know what I was doing and how everything was going to come together. I really learned that the Lord is with me and I can depend on Him for everything. I don't have to have all my ducks in a row. He's got it under control. I've really been doing my best to live day by day, moment by moment and not worry. It's really true that a man plans his way but God directs his steps. I have been so refreshed and I've really gotten my love and desire for live back, as well as my joy. But I've still been struggling somewhat with why in the world am I here? This is what I feel, I feel as though I'm in a holding/hiding place. Like I'm tucked away on the hillside under His wings. I feel ready for the next adventure He has for me. While I'm waiting my choice is to live each day to the fullest. God has been speaking to me about really getting to know Him and Heart and that's what I spent my weekend doing. I did all my homework before I left, so I was able to just relax in Him. I have this deep desire to pursue His heart and His mind. The Bible says we are to have the mind of Christ. I was made in His image, I was made to reflect His glory in the earth. I am a conductor.
I've got top billing in His eyes, each and everyone of us does. I think this is the summary of the clearest thing I heard and He was dealing with me over this weekend. I was raised in a Christian home and my dad was/is a minister of the Gospel. I've always just stepped back and let others be ministered too because of this. I've had the mindset that everyone else could be first and was more important than my needs. Other people have always been the first priority, I felt like I could wait and deal with my needs later. God revealed to me how my actions and my view of my dad when he ministers, is wrong. I don't have to wait, I can have Him and His presence right here right now. I don't have to waith for the crumbs, I don't have to wait until everyone else has had thier fill. God is a big God and if He cares for the sparrow how much more does He care for me? I am valued and special. He is mine and I am His.
I really want to start sharing what's on my heart about life and God and love. So hopefully I will get better at this. I have so much rolling around my spirit right now, I don't have words to express it all.
