Taking Deep Breaths

I'm sitting here taking deep breaths. Stress is a really easy place to fall into. I wish it wasn't. I find myself at various parts of the day at work having to fight to keep myself calm. There is always something going on at work, I am thankful that in 5 days my summer job will be done! Even though I have no idea what I am really doing. Only God knows and I haven't been clued in on the purpose yet. As my Aunt told me if I knew why I feel like I am supposed to go and live in "D" I would probably try to make it happen myself. That's probably true. Fighting for a cause that you have no clue about is frustrating at times. I have no idea what my next steps need to be. School starts in thirteen days! I can hardly believe it. I don't have a place to live near the college yet, so I will be driving an hour and a half each way, three days a week. I have never been to the school, I have had so many mood swings on going to this school, because it has been a fight from the beginning on being able to actually attend classes. Everything from not being able to talk to someone about questions, to financial aid stuff coming late for awhile I didn't think I would have enough aid to go to school, to people not being willing to help me, and not being able to register for classes. Now I have to actually go to the school and look around, I have never been there, I have to get books as well.

Since I am driving back and forth I won't be able to get a job (unless the Lord provides one). I feel like I'm going in blind in so many ways. I feel inadequate for the jobs ahead, and I don't even know what they are. I have decided that I don't want to have a plan B. I just need plan A, since my desire is to have the Lord direct my steps. It sure is a wild ride, one that I really want to get more accustomed to so that I can enjoy each step of the journey, every view from both the mountain tops and the valleys. With God as my plan A you can see how a plan B is inconceivable.

I'm not sure if my blogging is a good thing or a bad thing. I am hoping to blog more on cooking and stuff, as fall comes around and I have more time to play in the kitchen. There are so many things that I want to learn and try out. So I'm hoping to share those insights for anyone who wants to read my blogging mumbo jumbo ;)

Slogging Through, but I'm Still Moving

The past couple of weeks I feel as though I've been slogging through school like you would slog through mud knee deep. I know that is quite the picture. On the 22 I was sick in bed all day after throwing up most of the night. I think that I ate something bad. That was after I had to work a birthday party all by myself. It wasn't bad, but it was an adventure. So needless to say I didn't feel very well on Monday, some of my muscles were very sore. I was very glad that last week was a short week. Wednesday I got to home for thanksgiving which was totally awesome!!! I got to go to a totally AWESOME concert on Sunday. The Letter Black opened and they were followed by Decyfer Down, Hawk Nelson and finally SKILLET!!! I was very glad that one of my friends from school wanted to go so we went together. It was a fun day all around. I intend to post pictures but right now I'm a work and my pictures are on my laptop at my apartment. So I'll have to get on that later. Than on Monday I started getting a cold, I'm doing my best to fight it. My immune system is probably down from all the stress of finals coming up here and a few other things. Really I think finals will go fine. I already submitted my final paper for my psych class and from my grade online I got an A. It's really an easy class, but it's not a class that I have enjoyed very much. Due to it's sometimes "graphic" content. Lots of time was spent discussing things I really didn't want to learn about. It did give me a greater appreciation for the way my parents lovingly raised me. I have to say that my eyes have been opened even more this year than last year and if I didn't fight to keep my hope I could lose it in the blink of an eye. There's people having affairs, girls getting pregnant and than ending it. People partying because it's the only way to cope and so much more. And people spend time wondering why the world is in the state it's in. Did you know that colleges are seriously thinking about adding a mental health fee to college tuition? College faculties are finding that they don't have the resources to handle the depression and all the mental health problems that students are having. Suicide rates among college students have climbed dramatically.

I have to say that I am eagerly looking forward to being done with school in May, because I am so tired of all the "stuff" that goes on, especially here in HCC. Even though I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done here. I still don't feel like I've gotten any clear direction from the Lord on the matter. I'm just doing my best to walk it out day by day. I am thankful for the fact that I know my parents are standing behind me a hundred percent and that I can move home in May if I want/need to. I really don't want to drive though so much, like I did last summer. I really want to have a life outside of my car. So if I live at my parents more than likely I will have to drive a good distance to be able to work and not working is not an option unless that's what the Lord says, although I don't think that "don't work" is something He would tell me.

Anyways back to the present... School is winding up thankfully, I'm most definitely ready for a break. For a good part of Christmas break though I plan to stay in my apartment in order to work and save some money which I hope is possible. The saving money part is what I hope is possible, I know that I can work. I'm pretty much done with Christmas shopping, Yay! There's still a couple people I need to buy for. I'm pretty excited because I was able to get some really cool stuff this year for presents. Well I can't think of anything else to say for the moment so I think I will say adios.