Onward, Upward, Forward

My heart is singing... I just can't stop it and I definitely can't contain it. So many things have taken place that could only come together by God's hand. I really can't explain how amazing things are right now. So many things that I felt were coming last semester have come to fruition. I have connections and I have moved into leadershipish positions that I never dreamed of being capable of. God has really hedged before me as well as behind. The more I live the more I come to realize how much easier life is when I trust things to His capable hands. When my life is centered around His heart, I can not be swayed.

Not everything is perfect, not every situation is where I want it to be. I don't know all the answers. What's around the corner? Your guess is as good as mine. I do know that it will be great and I will grow and that God is good.

My heart is so full, I can't get it all typed.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My heart awakens, set me ablaze, let me burn with passion, I will run my race, I set my gaze on the one who won't let go.

Taking Deep Breaths

I'm sitting here taking deep breaths. Stress is a really easy place to fall into. I wish it wasn't. I find myself at various parts of the day at work having to fight to keep myself calm. There is always something going on at work, I am thankful that in 5 days my summer job will be done! Even though I have no idea what I am really doing. Only God knows and I haven't been clued in on the purpose yet. As my Aunt told me if I knew why I feel like I am supposed to go and live in "D" I would probably try to make it happen myself. That's probably true. Fighting for a cause that you have no clue about is frustrating at times. I have no idea what my next steps need to be. School starts in thirteen days! I can hardly believe it. I don't have a place to live near the college yet, so I will be driving an hour and a half each way, three days a week. I have never been to the school, I have had so many mood swings on going to this school, because it has been a fight from the beginning on being able to actually attend classes. Everything from not being able to talk to someone about questions, to financial aid stuff coming late for awhile I didn't think I would have enough aid to go to school, to people not being willing to help me, and not being able to register for classes. Now I have to actually go to the school and look around, I have never been there, I have to get books as well.

Since I am driving back and forth I won't be able to get a job (unless the Lord provides one). I feel like I'm going in blind in so many ways. I feel inadequate for the jobs ahead, and I don't even know what they are. I have decided that I don't want to have a plan B. I just need plan A, since my desire is to have the Lord direct my steps. It sure is a wild ride, one that I really want to get more accustomed to so that I can enjoy each step of the journey, every view from both the mountain tops and the valleys. With God as my plan A you can see how a plan B is inconceivable.

I'm not sure if my blogging is a good thing or a bad thing. I am hoping to blog more on cooking and stuff, as fall comes around and I have more time to play in the kitchen. There are so many things that I want to learn and try out. So I'm hoping to share those insights for anyone who wants to read my blogging mumbo jumbo ;)

Just Not Feeling It

I've just not been feeling blogging lately. Believe me I have sat down and tried but each time my mind and my fingers rebel against the thought. It goes something like this... "I should blog. What should I blog about?" So I sit down and log in and start typing something and before long I can't think of anything interesting and then I start thinking about other things I need to do such as homework or dishes or reading a book or text a friend and I my fingers start telling me that they are tired after typing up all that homework. I just run out blogging ambition. I don't think it's always so much I don't have much to say, my thoughts just run over and I get overwhelmed and then I "just don't feel it". I am trying to get re-inspired especially since I just caught up on reading my two favorite blogs. Modest is Hottest and Yaak Adventures.

This will have to be somewhat short however as I should be getting ready to go to church, but I'm not cutting it too close don't worry. I have been super busy (of course) and finals are coming up. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to graduating in 6 weeks. I can't believe how fast it's gone. Many of you may be wondering what exactly is next for me well, I put forth some tidbits after spring break but here are my plans. I am moving home to my parents house deep in the boonies of MN for the summer, hopefully I will work at a camp near them. I had an interview with the camp last Friday and I think it went well. Either way I am moving home. Than in August I am moving to a big town that ends with an H that's closer to my parents house than where I am now. I am going to be going to college again and will be taking mostly general classes with the thought that I may decide to get a 2 year degree in business. Every time I have thought about moving somewhere I have kept coming back to this big town that ends with an H. So after considering my options. This is my decision.

Believe me when I say that this is not a decision that I have made lightly. It is also a decision that is not coming easy for me to walk out. Around every corner seems to be another obstacle that I have to overcome and another uncertainty that I have to avoid freaking out over. I have had to take it one day at a time. I feel like I've got most things taken care of now, but I'm staying on my guard.

I have been having some amazing fun with friends. I'm not always sure how I get it all squeezed in but I have to say that I love it :) Late night walks, time in the park, lots of talking, ice cream, texting, randomness these are all things that pretty much sum it up.

Well I have some other deeper thoughts that I want to post, but I have to get ready for church now. And I have plans this afternoon, so hopefully I will post again today, but don't hold me to it.
Later-

The Big Picture and Letting Go

Some days it's really hard to look at the big picture. Most of the time it's way too easy to continually look at the valleys and at how high the mountain tops are. I was very grateful for my Aunt's reminder that in the big picture some trials are very small. Yet as we are walking through/up they seem like Mount Everest. I had to walk through a situation this weekend that wasn't easy, but God had been dealing with me on it and I knew I was riding the fence. It was really hard for me to bite the bullet, I cried and prayed my way through it. It wasn't fun, but I passed the test and I know God was smiling down at me. I know that what God has for me will be so much better, I don't want the counterfeit or second best. I want His absolute best for me. God and I have been dealing with this particular issue for awhile now and I finally said "Ok God I'll do it your way, I'll let it go and throw myself into your arms and trust." I have to refine my focus and look not just at what's right in front of me, but at the entire landscape.

Sometimes it's really hard to be still and know that He truly is God. Lately I have been struggling to keep my joy. Most days I feel like I'm just surviving, but not truly thriving. I need to get my joy back, I know that it's not a natural thing and it's not based on circumstances. It's supernatural and in it is my strength.

School is going well overall. There aren't too many things that I really want to complain about. I just know that things could be way better than they are.

Busy, busy, busy

I have been really busy. Right now it feels like my life has been a blur. I have been meaning to get on here and post, but between homework, housework, school, work, work and sleeping I honestly feel behind. Still I am surviving and even thriving right now, accept for this headache that's pounding in my head. I think it's from to much sugar and not enough water. Now that I have IPC homework turned in, the quiz over with, computer applications assignment done, the 2nd years dinner invitations basically done, 2 scholarship applications mailed, registered for class in the fall, all the paperwork for my summer job finished up, financial aid info verified and the article for work emailed in, I decided I should take a moment to write. I still have: 2 final projects to complete, one part of one of them is due next week, at least one extra credit paper in IPC to write, an apartment to clean, new computer stuff to figure out, to find out if I should register for another class for fall (my work load will then be 21 credits), figure out how I'm going to live this summer, go through a stack of magazines, and get paperwork taken care of for an apartment in August. One of my far stretching goals that I have are to get in shape, even though I can spend 12 hours on my feet and not be too tired at the end. I'm sure there are more I just can think of them right now, I am so tired mentally and physically right now. There is a lot of school related stuff going on in the next 5 weeks! There are times I don't think I can keep up. I'm so thankful for the Lord's joy as it is the strength I am thriving on right now. I have so many things to be thankful for right now, I'm definitely counting my blessings. I'll have to tell more later as it is most definitely time for me to get some shut eye. I will do my best to get on here again to post some thoughts on some very relevant matters.

I'm tired, and it's almost over!

I am really tired right now. I guess it's a good tired, since I have been really busy during spring break. I have to go back to Hibbing on Sunday. It's been really nice to have a break. I have been helping my mom unpack and reorganize stuff that has been packed for 2 1/2 years. It's been a lot of work. It's been good to keep myself busy or I probably spent my time contemplating and which would have led to frustration and discouragement. Which would have been bad. I got a lot of work done and I am in a pretty good place, a little emotional though. But I've been dealing with that a lot lately. I only have 10 weeks of school left! I am excited about that. It should go pretty fast. This will have to brief. As I am trying to relax and prepare myself for the next 10 weeks, because they are going to be full weeks!

Time is flying! Just thought I would try to get a post in. I might have pictures of my spring break to post....later....

Battling for Breakthrough

I have been battling for breakthrough the last few days. There is a situation that has finally come to a head and I'm having to deal with it. I thought that it was no longer an issue. It's not been fun. There have also been a few other things that when added to the mix just compound into a battle. But notice how I said I'm battling as in fighting for victory. I refuse to to give in to the garbage that the enemy is throwing my way. It's not that the situation is so terrible, it's the fact I'm fighting to not let it control my life, I'm doing my best to NOT make it the center of my attention, only God gets to hold that position. I refuse to give in, I refuse to budge on my stance. I'm not going to give into the discouragement and lies that are coming against me. I'm not going to let ANYTHING stop me from moving forward towards what God has for me. I refuse to move backwards.

It's amazing how I have had so much breakthrough especially since September and even more so, since I came back to school in January. Like I can't even explain it. I can feel God moving in my life. Even though throughout the last couple days I have felt pretty discouraged, just typing about the goodness of God puts me in this incredible place of just feeling God's goodness. Giving God the glory, revives me, gives me life, it even makes it easier for me to breath.
Don't get me wrong I feel frustrated. If I think about it too much I feel discouraged. I feel uncertain about my new class at school. Life isn't just peaches and cream right now. I've cried more in the last few days than I have for awhile. I just feel a resilience, a strength and a peace. I am so grateful for it, since the road definitely feels a little rough in some areas at the moment.

If you're battling for breakthrough in some area, remember as long as you're battling you're still going through, so don't stop, we'll come out victorious and gain ground when we come out on the other side, with God on our side ianything is possible!!!!!

A week in my life

I really wonder where my life is going... The days either go by way to fast or way to slow, I'm not sure which it all depends on what time I am contemplating the speed of the day. Anyways, right now I am working 2 jobs, both are on campus, since I want the flexibility of school holidays and jobs are really hard to find right now. I enjoy both jobs, I for the most part enjoy school, I enjoy my life here too. Yet I keep finding this inexpicable discontentment and this desire for life just to speed up, so that I can be done with everything here. Maybe it's spring fever, I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that it's not right, I really need to enjoy where I am at on the way to where I'm going. I don't want to rush through life and at the end find that I could have enjoyed it a lot more as well as doing a lot more. I don't know...

I'm feeling a little more confident about my IPC class. Which is good. I really would like to do well in both "non-culinary" classes this semester. I figure just showing up and doing my absolute best is the best way that I can get a good grade. I had to work last night so I tried to get the majority of my homework done on Sunday night, so that I had it done, but Monday morning came and I still had some reviseing to do. I didn't get done with work until 9:30 p.m. though so I had to come back and finish it at like 10:30 pm and then I had to get up at like 5:30 am so that I study for the quiz today. Work last night was good, it was the college's movie night and so I get to sit in and watch the movie "Miracle" it's about a hockey team winning the olympics in 1980 it was pretty good. the whole time I watched it I was like praying little popcorn prayers. It was kind of inspiring. There were just little things that kept reminding me of traits that I really desire in life. It was a good time between me and the Lord. I suppose that I could have sat out and studied, but you know what it was really nice to be able to sit back and just communicate with my Father God. And I feel that I did pretty well on the quiz and the assignment. I won't know for sure until the instructor hands them back, but still I have confidence in the Lord flowing through me to help me do my best.

My life is definitely not perfect here, I hope that I'm not portraying things like my life is perfect and I have a perfect relationship with God. There are times that I really want to scream, cry, yell and just not be here. I struggle way too much with way too much.

Well I'm not really sure what the point of this blog is. I guess I just wanted to write. I have some homework to do and some work study to do

Awesome God

Today has been a blessed day. I am continually amazed at the goodness of the Lord when I follow Him. It can be so hard to explain how I see and feel and just know that He has His hand on things. His timing is so awesome. Most of the time for me it's not really big "happenings" it's the small things, that all come together to create the big picture. So much of the time I get so impatient, I want things to happen in my time the way I want them too. Yet when my Father God orchestrates things with His favor involved.... There is absolutely no way to describe how exhilarating and incredible it feels, to have things happen and just know that it was Him. To think He cares for me so much that He reveals Himself in a hundred million ways over and over again. Things like money for school, a dream, a simple conversation, favor from my employer, a sudden remembrance of something that is needed, learning something new about someone, going to the laundry room at the perfect time, or just being somewhere you need to be at the just the right time. I love going through the day and all the sudden it hits me that what just happened was totally and incredibly God.

There are those days that I get discouraged, nothing goes right, I have terrible conversations, I do something wrong, or it's just a really bad day. The last month has been tough. But I know when the joy of the Lord is my strength those bad days don't come as often and when they are over they don't constantly nag at me. I just have to remember to enter into that joy. When God's on my side anything is possible. I have struggled with so much in the last year with so many things and there have been so many changes and so many curve balls thrown at me. I don't think I could have made it this far or keep on going without the continually realizing that I really am self sufficient only because of Christ's sufficiency. That I am infused with the anointed one's inner strength and living under His grace ( God's power and ability in me to do what He's called me to do). I don't think I would survive much less thrive without God in my life and I'm not sure how people live without Him. I still have a lot to learn on how to rely totally and completely on Him. But I am so totally willing to learn because every time I experience Jesus Christ's presence in my life, it's a miracle that I can't and refuse to live without. The cry of my heart is to constantly know that I am pursuing and living out my destiny so that I can truly be all that He has called me to be, because only than will I truly be fulfilled and satisfied.

It really works!

You know what you don't know what to pray but you know you need to because things just haven't been going right? Well just saying "God, help me" really works. Today went better than the rest of the week and I spent 12 hours of it in school. I probably whispered that prayer 20+ times today. I'm so glad I have God on my side! I really don't know what I would do otherwise.

This week just didn't feel like it went right, there were good parts. And I'm still not too sure about my IPC class.... I'm a more than a little concerned about the quiz today. Still with God all things are possible! I have strength for all things in Christ Who impowers me I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses inner strength into me; I am self sufficient through Christ's sufficiency, that's what I have to keep confessing over myself.

I am soooo thankful that today was my last day on bakery! It went really well considering the week it has been. Today we had a group of kids from Barnum came in and they got to get their hands dirty (or should I say clean) with helping do some bakery stuff. I hope they had fun and that I explained things well. Normally, I would try to get out of it and not enjoy it since I have to interact in a different way with people I don't know and yet I actually enjoyed it. All I can say is "thanks God." Then earlier this week I volunteered to work an evening function within the culinary program. It was kind of fun, pretty simple, yet time consuming. Afterwards we got to eat leftovers. It was prime rib, au gratin potatoes, a sauteed veggie medley, and cream of red pepper soup, with eclair type swans for dessert. The prime rib was amazing. Yes I know there are perks to being in the culinary arts program. My taste buds feel great, but my feet sure hurt. :) All day is was one class after another.

I am so glad for the fact that the Lord can help filter stuff, within our minds. A lot of people had a bad week, and when people are crabby they tell more dirty jokes and talk about soooo many things that I really don't want to hear about much less have it get stuck in my head. Sometimes the people I am around and the situations I am in just make my head spin.

This is probably long enough and I want to go do a couple things as well as get some sleep. Even though tomorrow is a day off, I need to go in and sharpen my knives, not a lot of fun. I am looking forward to going to a young adult group at a nearby church tomorrow night. I'm not sure what all this semester is going to hold, much less this weekend. I am so thankful that God is on my side!

Reflective Ramblings

With the knowledge of road condtions in mind yesterday morning I decided to take more mileage versus icy, unsafe roads. I’m sure that the times would have been about the same. Anyways during my 4 hour drive (I took a half hour break in there) I had plenty of time to reflect. Sometimes it feels so weird to think that I’m 18, in college, living on my own, making my own decisions and just trying to be the adult that I was raised to be. Really I in no way feel like I’m “old enough”. I have a feeling that that little phrase will be in the back of my head the rest of my life as I often here it uttered by my parents or grandparents and many other poeple.

That said today has been pretty normal. For supper I'm having a Mexican bean bake which I am making unvegetarian by adding some chicken. It's very interesting. I made it yesterday and I decided that it did need chicken even though it is a complete protein without the chicken. I guess the last few days have been days for reflecting. I'm really not sure what I've been reflecting in the entire time, oh well. I did enjoy being home and spending time with my family.

Well I have to go study for a quiz on Thursday in IPC (Interpersonal Communications). Life sure is interesting.

A loooong weekend

I get a long weekend since there is no school on Monday. They rarely cancel school here no matter what. Of course I do have to work tomorrow night and Saturday afternoon. I'm hoping I get to go home Saturday after work so that I can celebrate my brother's 16th birthday, do laundry, have my mom's advice on my homework and get away from everything here. I can't believe that I already want to escape from stuff in my life. Really... I've only had 4 days of school. Another benefit of going home is that I get to go to Church in the Woods. I enjoy going to church there.

My math class should be easy, it's pretty basic, but my IPC class that's a different story. I think it will strech me big time. My computer class... I'm not sure what to think about it....

My car is having problems, I'm sooo thankful my daddy is willing to help me. He traded cars with me, as my car doesn't seem to like to start. It did start in cold weather before and now it's not starting.

Well I want to run to the library quick so that I have something to do tonight, even though I should start my homework ;).

It's cooooolllllld outside!!!!!!

Cold is not my thing. Ecspecially when my car does not start and I have to walk to work.

Anyways, I started two out of my three new classes so far. And I am going to be buuuuusssssyyyyy, this semester. At least I am not alone. One of my classmates and I are going to get together and do our homework for our Computer Applications class together on Fridays. I don't have any class on Fridays!!! It means I get a long weekend. More time to do homework, I guess. I really don't have much exciting to say. My culinary classes are a lot of work on my feet for pretty much 6 hours straight. As of right now I'm on bakery and it's pretty fun.

Later.....

Back at School

Well I'm back at my apartment so that I can start my second semester on Monday. And wow is it weird to be back! This, as my very first blog isn't going to be very long. I figured I should get started my first day back at school otherwise I might never actually start.

I'm really thankful that I for the Lord's provision, as of right now I will not have to go into any debt for my entire first year of school. I'm just in awe of His awesomeness in providing in entirely unexpected and surprising ways, not just in money, but also in every area of my life. My parents have lived the life of faith my entire life, the Lord's provision never gets old.

I had better go so I can talk to one of my little sisters!