What is Your Heart Beating for?

This is a question that came to mind today as I was taking care of some things that needed to be done. Life is busy it's true but that doesn't change the fact that no matter what we are doing our heart is beating, both physically and metaphorically. I suppose another way to phrase it is what are living for? And how is that reflecting in your life?

2 Cor 2:14-17

In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade. Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life. But those on the way to destruction treat us more like the stench from a rotting corpse.

This is a terrific responsibility. Is anyone competent to take it on? No— but at least we don't take God's Word, water it down, and then take it to the streets to sell it cheap. We stand in Christ's presence when we speak; God looks us in the face. We get what we say straight from God and say it as honestly as we can.

This life that I'm living is not for religion, my heart has this amazing peace. I don't have to strive for intimacy with God, it's not something I have to stress out about. I don't have to live perfectly or clean up my act. I just have to stay in a place of constant communing and hunger. It's a deep groaning within each of us, a void that each of us tries to fill but nothing fills it like the love of God and all that comes with a relationship with a living breathing King. A God who once you have an experience with, you'll never be the same. When you live from a place of intimacy your life reflects it. His joy and peace will bubble out of you and you can't stop it. It makes you want to shout from the highest mountain top. I want everyone to experience this. You don't have to live in bondage. It's not about theological answers either. You don't have to have answers for everyone of life's questions. Just press in. When I'm stressed I turn on worship music, lately that has been Misty Edward's worship (I have about 5 hours of her music on my computer). Her music is full of life and it's all about the intimate place between God and man.

I was listening to a message by Bill Johnson this morning about our mandate here on earth. How the Bible tells us what the world we live in is like and than tells us what we are to do about it. It's powerful! In the message he talks about intercession being the greatest tool we have and as my previous post about standing in the gap talks about we need to walk in it. My life in Christ Jesus is the reason my heart beats, it's the reason why I'm living. As that passage in 2 Corinthians talks about my life omits a fragrance and those who are searching for something more in life will be drawn to your "smell" or the will be repulsed becuase of conviction but you job is to be a living letter of who Jesus is. What do you smell like today? Honestly my smell has been that great this week, I've been a little stressed out and overwhelmed with life. But today as I prayed about some situations that I ran into and ran my errands, I was infused with this new sense of purpose and began to open my eyes once again to what my relationship with Him grants me. It's not the reason I pursue Him. I pursue Him because it's what the deep places of me calls out for, it's what my heart longs for. And if He is all I ever have in this life I will be satisfied. He always provides and my heart beats because of Him. I refuse to pursue the endless cycles that this world tries to pull me into. It's ok to LIVE IN FREEDOM!!!!! I think that is the biggest thing I've been learning to combat, this sense that I have to be living in a constant struggle. The lie that I have to be in some kind of bondage for God to work on me. The lie that if I'm not stuggling with something, life isn't right. I can live without guilt. I can live free of the bondage of the world! That's what God has granted me as a lover of Him. I

I choose to be a passionate lover of a passionate God, wholeheartedly chasing after a God that isn't running for me, He embraces me and empowers me to pursue all that He has placed in me. And my heart is overflowing with His goodness, love and peace this day even though I'm tired, I don't have my homework done, my car has problems, I don't know what the future holds, some of my friends are in turmoil and injustice continues it's cycles. I am FREE and so are YOU. Let your heart beat today with God today. It's AMAZING and you will NEVER REGRET IT!!!
Shalom

The Power of Our Lives

Life is good right now. Of course there are some things that I'm not sure about, that I searching out. Lately I have been convicted about the position that I have been given on earth. As I look around at all the situations that continually confront me with injustice and injury to those around me, I weep. I want to see things change for my family, for my friends, for the people I come in contact with in the positions that the Lord has put me in. Yet,I feel like I'm running, but it's because I'm standing still and not moving forward to where I'm supposed to be. I know what I'm called to do. It's what we are all called to do. God gives us a choice whether to walk in the authority He's given us or to turn our hearts and our eyes. However if we really want to see change in all of the situations we struggle with it's going to take more than a "sacrificial" prayer in between waking up and starting our day. It's going take more than being in church on Sunday and going through the motions. It's going to take getting out of our comfort zones and pursuing an awesome God. It's more than 30-45 minutes of worship and an hour of teaching. We are going to have to change things in our lives and prioritize to put God first. My heart yearns to see and hear freedom on Sunday mornings and everyday of life.

We've been called to stand in the gap "So I sought for a man among them who would make a wall and stand in the gap before Me on the behalf of the land that I should not destroy it; but I found no one." Ezek 22:30 God wants to move in the situations that sit heavy on our hearts. I will build a wall and stand to speak into the lives and situations where death is trying to manifest. Not on my watch! We were given authority, we were given the ability to intercede in the spiritual realm in all situations. Are we ready? Are we willing? Will we move? Will we get up an hour early in the morning to worship and pray? Will we give up after church activities to spend more time in worship with our King? Worship that will break strongholds. How far are we willing to go? I want to go all the way. I'm seeking, I'm willing. I want to lead the army of on fire saints. The cry of my heart is to live a purposeful life full of passion and whatever it has to look like. I will follow, I will give things up. I will walk it out to the best of my ability through God's grace. Will you go with me?

Onward, Upward, Forward

My heart is singing... I just can't stop it and I definitely can't contain it. So many things have taken place that could only come together by God's hand. I really can't explain how amazing things are right now. So many things that I felt were coming last semester have come to fruition. I have connections and I have moved into leadershipish positions that I never dreamed of being capable of. God has really hedged before me as well as behind. The more I live the more I come to realize how much easier life is when I trust things to His capable hands. When my life is centered around His heart, I can not be swayed.

Not everything is perfect, not every situation is where I want it to be. I don't know all the answers. What's around the corner? Your guess is as good as mine. I do know that it will be great and I will grow and that God is good.

My heart is so full, I can't get it all typed.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My heart awakens, set me ablaze, let me burn with passion, I will run my race, I set my gaze on the one who won't let go.

Do You Ever?

Do you ever just want to shout from the rooftops?! I do!!!
Do ever want to dance and jump until you have nothing left?! I do!!!
Do you ever want to fall on your face before God and cry your eyes out?! I do!!!!

I can't really explain how I'm feeling right now. Other than I'm free!!!!!! Life is soo worth living to it's fullest with a relationship with our Heavenly Father! He is sooo Good! He NEVER fails.

I have been making big decisions and I won't go into too much detail, but I will say this I am so full of joy and anticipation that I can not contain it. I just can hardly wait to see what God has in store. I'm stepping out in faith and believing for doors to open. I knew big things were coming when I made the decision to move where I'm at. I can't say that things happened exactly like I thought they would, but I have no regrets.

After my small group tonight, I dropped some of the girls off and all the way home songs singing of God's goodness were on the radio and how you can't help but tell the world. Well people that's what I'm doing! God has taken me places and put me in positions that I never dreamed of. And it's stretching me and it kinda scares me, but I'm loving every minute. That doesn't mean I don't have doubts or struggles. It just means that no matter what circumstances come I will not be moved because I have confidence in the God I serve. My heart is so full tonight and has been for the past 2 weeks or so.

I have the perfect illustration (I think), after church on Sunday I was standing with my front door open but the screen door was closed and the sun was shining in and it was so warm and it just wrapped me up in it's warmth and made me smile. I was wearing a black shirt so it was absorbing the sun as well. Than during worship at church on Sunday night I just got this picture of how it is when our heavenly father is smiling down on us and He wants to continuelly wrap His Love around us and it in that we get this warmth around us like a protective sheild against the cold (believe me it was really cold out that day) of daily life. And when we live in His Son we can continueally have a smile on our face. I want to live in the warmth of His love every day of my life. It's an amazing thing!

Hidden on a Hill

I have decided that I will post some of the things that I am writing for my college composition classes. I don't much feel like blogging right now so I won't go into much of my life right now. I am happy to annouce that I am writing a book, I don't necessarily have a title or a real clear topic for the book, but it will be non-fiction. I will put a few glimpses/excerpts on here from time time. It should be an interesting book as I live an interesting life :) not really... but I have an interesting point of view on life due to the way I was raised, my educational experiences, my moral standard and my "religious" (I hate the word religious but I think that's the most universal way to refer to it) views.

An Amazing Weekend with an Amazing God!

So I know I don't get on here much, I don't feel like I have much to say and I always seem to start out every blog this way. I will try to do better :D So this last weekend I went on a retreat with University Christian Fellowship/Chi Alpha and it was totally amazing. It rocked my world! I went into the weekend with the mindset that this was going to be an oppurtunity for it to be me and God. I knew that that was what my focus needed to be. And He met me there. The worship was amazing, everyone just connected with God and you could just feel His love being poured out on everyone. Pretty much everyone had a testimony about what God did in thier lives. There was also some really good teaching. It was pretty much all about intimacy with God. This is what has been on my heart lately a lot. A few weeks ago as I was getting out of the shower I had the phrase "passionate pursuit" rolling around in me and than a week later the words "true intimacy" came to my heart. Both go together, I didn't really study it out but it's something I've really been pondering for the last couple weeks.

See in moving to this town, I don't really feel like I know the reason I'm here I feel like I'm in this holding place, where I'm not looking back but I can't see the future. Coming to this place hasn't been an easy process. After school in Hib-town and my summer job I was burned out, stressed out, and tired out. The last two years although filled with victories were a real battle for me. I didn't want to deal with anyone. I didn't really know what I was doing and how everything was going to come together. I really learned that the Lord is with me and I can depend on Him for everything. I don't have to have all my ducks in a row. He's got it under control. I've really been doing my best to live day by day, moment by moment and not worry. It's really true that a man plans his way but God directs his steps. I have been so refreshed and I've really gotten my love and desire for live back, as well as my joy. But I've still been struggling somewhat with why in the world am I here? This is what I feel, I feel as though I'm in a holding/hiding place. Like I'm tucked away on the hillside under His wings. I feel ready for the next adventure He has for me. While I'm waiting my choice is to live each day to the fullest. God has been speaking to me about really getting to know Him and Heart and that's what I spent my weekend doing. I did all my homework before I left, so I was able to just relax in Him. I have this deep desire to pursue His heart and His mind. The Bible says we are to have the mind of Christ. I was made in His image, I was made to reflect His glory in the earth. I am a conductor.

I've got top billing in His eyes, each and everyone of us does. I think this is the summary of the clearest thing I heard and He was dealing with me over this weekend. I was raised in a Christian home and my dad was/is a minister of the Gospel. I've always just stepped back and let others be ministered too because of this. I've had the mindset that everyone else could be first and was more important than my needs. Other people have always been the first priority, I felt like I could wait and deal with my needs later. God revealed to me how my actions and my view of my dad when he ministers, is wrong. I don't have to wait, I can have Him and His presence right here right now. I don't have to waith for the crumbs, I don't have to wait until everyone else has had thier fill. God is a big God and if He cares for the sparrow how much more does He care for me? I am valued and special. He is mine and I am His.

I really want to start sharing what's on my heart about life and God and love. So hopefully I will get better at this. I have so much rolling around my spirit right now, I don't have words to express it all.

A New Day

So the best way to describe what I'm feeling is to give a description that maybe you can relate to. Do you know how it feels to be coming out of a black tunnel and you saw the light at the end, but than all of the sudden you were in it? That feeling of relief and joy and awe of the glory of the light. That's the way I feel. The feeling goes sooo deep. I'm content and peaceful and refreshed mentally, emotionally and physically. Well physically I get tired but you know, that's a good thing, because it proves I'm alive. I know life is probably going to get busier and there are always new battles to face. I have confidence in the God that I serve wholeheartedly and that gives me confidence to face whatever the next bend in the road brings.



Today is my birthday and I no I won't tell you how old I am now. It's really hard for me to explain the way I'm feeling. I have found my home in the cleft of the rock and I don't want to go back to the valley. I'm willing to fight. There are things that my heart desires for this new year of my life. Sometimes it's so heavy with longing that I don't know what I'm going to do. Yet I can keep my gaze on Him rather than on my desires. Yes I know He placed those desires in me, and in the right time I know they will be fulfilled.



The road to this place that I am at has not been easy and I don't have it all figured out. But I am reveling in it and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to take each day and be thankful for it.



I've found some safe places to be some safe people to be around. I'm getting out of my comfort zone. I'm pursueing, tasting, seeing, loving, living, showing, and testifying the GOODNESS of the GOD I serve. This is my joy and this is my song. The joy of the Lord is my strength.



Just so you know I am living in reality, I have to go do homework quick because I have a full day ahead of me. I just wanted to share something positive. Because life is positive.

Taking Deep Breaths

I'm sitting here taking deep breaths. Stress is a really easy place to fall into. I wish it wasn't. I find myself at various parts of the day at work having to fight to keep myself calm. There is always something going on at work, I am thankful that in 5 days my summer job will be done! Even though I have no idea what I am really doing. Only God knows and I haven't been clued in on the purpose yet. As my Aunt told me if I knew why I feel like I am supposed to go and live in "D" I would probably try to make it happen myself. That's probably true. Fighting for a cause that you have no clue about is frustrating at times. I have no idea what my next steps need to be. School starts in thirteen days! I can hardly believe it. I don't have a place to live near the college yet, so I will be driving an hour and a half each way, three days a week. I have never been to the school, I have had so many mood swings on going to this school, because it has been a fight from the beginning on being able to actually attend classes. Everything from not being able to talk to someone about questions, to financial aid stuff coming late for awhile I didn't think I would have enough aid to go to school, to people not being willing to help me, and not being able to register for classes. Now I have to actually go to the school and look around, I have never been there, I have to get books as well.

Since I am driving back and forth I won't be able to get a job (unless the Lord provides one). I feel like I'm going in blind in so many ways. I feel inadequate for the jobs ahead, and I don't even know what they are. I have decided that I don't want to have a plan B. I just need plan A, since my desire is to have the Lord direct my steps. It sure is a wild ride, one that I really want to get more accustomed to so that I can enjoy each step of the journey, every view from both the mountain tops and the valleys. With God as my plan A you can see how a plan B is inconceivable.

I'm not sure if my blogging is a good thing or a bad thing. I am hoping to blog more on cooking and stuff, as fall comes around and I have more time to play in the kitchen. There are so many things that I want to learn and try out. So I'm hoping to share those insights for anyone who wants to read my blogging mumbo jumbo ;)

Searching...Now I'm Your's

I'm through looking around every corner
It's between me and You
This empty place inside of me
It's between me and You
I've been trying to fill it
With things that it's not meant to hold
It's served as a dumping place
For things it should have never seen
I've told myself I'm not giving in
But I've done worse I've compromised
There are days this ache
Tries to consume me
At times sated for the moment
Instead of preparing for Your movement
I'm tired of living planning to prepare
In today's tomorrow
Now is the moment that You've been waiting for
Where I say I'm through...I'm Yours'
I can't do this thing called searching
I'm meant to be found
I'm done fooling myself
Please reveal yourself
The height, the depth of your love
The weight of your glory
The magnificence of your presence
I can't live my life without you
You really are my everything
Lord You've found me
You've been waiting for me to see You
Holding me close You are the only one who
Will give fulfillment, contentment and peace
I'm done playing games, I'm ready... I am Yours
This is my prayer to you this evening...I am Yours

Sometimes....

Lately I just don't know.... Well I do but.... you know those days.... where....

I have had some interesting situations to walk through. When isn't life interesting? I've had a good week! Sunday I went to Duluth and saw my Aunt and Uncle and my cousins. That was good, it was a much needed break. I hung out with a friend on Monday, that was fun it made my day better. Monday I was fighting the why me's and feeling crabby and than I got a call that just made my day. Sshh don't tell that person :) Than Tuesday I hung out with another friend... That was a little more interesting, but I think I gracefully glided through it. Wednsday I worked after school. Despite the fact that it was my birthday it was a very low-key day. Than today after class I did homework and I went to The Edge. That was fun.

My classes are still going really well. It turns out that I am going to be chef for the first buffet which is next month. I'm a little nervous about that... It will be an interesting experience. I finished my Finnish menu choices for my cost control final. Now I have to pick the recipes and cost them all out. It's going to be a lot of work. I have learned quite a bit so far. It's really interesting to think about another countries food and how food gets to be a considered to belong to a specific ethnic group. I've been having fun in my baking class. It's been a really great experience so far.

I've been feeling so out of sync when it comes to some things. I so badly want to hear the voice of God more and more clearly. It's so important in this day and age. I don't want theology I want a revelation. I want to be so filled with the light of God that the darkness tries to hide. People don't need to just understand God with their brains, they need to see how real God is and really know who He is.

I've been thinking that I once again need to turn my eyes to the goodness of God. I need to look at all that He's doing rather than look at things I want to change. Maybe if I change my focus I won't feel so much lacking. I'm so sick and tired of this cycle that seems so pointless and endless. I don't want to be moved by how I feel because my feelings shouldn't move me so much.
I want to be able to handle some situations better....

Life just keeps getting more interesting everyday.

Still no matter the circumstances... Peace Reigns, Love Wins and Joy is in the House!!!!

What is Worth It?

Don't ask me if the title of this blog is supposed to make any sense, ok. I just want to figure is what I have been trying NOT to think about worth my time trying NOT to think about it? I don't know. If I stop trying NOT to think about it will I stop thinking about it? I have no clue! I wish I knew the answer. Right now I am just really tired and I just finished my homework and it took me about 4 hours to do 3 questions, of course I had my tv on, but still I was diligently working. I don't even know if I did it right. It kind of freaks me out because I really want to do well in my classes, I just don't know. It doesn't help that right now I am super emotional and a tish crabby because of it. And to add to all that I seem to be constantly crabby. Oh and did I mention that there is drama going on? I really don't like drama it just gets so over dramatic. It doesn't bother me as much as last year and most of it just rolls right off my back, but it sure is annoying. Why do so many people depend on drama to entertain them? I'm not really sure. I know one person who's life statement is... oh never mind, I can't really say it on here. The ups and downs of college life wouldn't be so up and down if it weren't for those around me having so many ups and downs that seem to slightly effect mine.

Here is my question of the week (even though the week is almost over): What is worth it (i.e. my time, my thoughts, my efforts, my talking)? Actually I should say that that is the question I will be judging everything by and I will use Phil 4:? (I'm too tired to go check the verse on that one, but it's the one that goes, "whatever is pure, whatever is noble, etc.... think on these things")

You have just read my rambling and very tired thoughts. I hope it was worth your time. I don't really think it was but I'm still going to publish it. I'm not sure why though...

P.S. Life is going just fine, it's actually pretty good all in all. :)

Strength in Weakness

I was reading a book today and I read this scripture and thought it was really cool so I figured I would share it with all of you.



Isaiah 30:15-26 (The Message)
God Takes the Time to Do Everything Right 15-17God, the Master, The Holy of Israel, has this solemn counsel:"Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves.Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me—The very thing you've been unwilling to do.You've said, 'Nothing doing! We'll rush off on horseback!' You'll rush off, all right! Just not far enough!You've said, 'We'll ride off on fast horses!' Do you think your pursuers ride old nags?Think again: A thousand of you will scatter before one attacker. Before a mere five you'll all run off.There'll be nothing left of you— a flagpole on a hill with no flag, a signpost on a roadside with the sign torn off."
18But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.God takes the time to do everything right—everything. Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.
19-22Oh yes, people of Zion, citizens of Jerusalem, your time of tears is over. Cry for help and you'll find it's grace and more grace. The moment he hears, he'll answer. Just as the Master kept you alive during the hard times, he'll keep your teacher alive and present among you. Your teacher will be right there, local and on the job, urging you on whenever you wander left or right: "This is the right road. Walk down this road." You'll scrap your expensive and fashionable god-images. You'll throw them in the trash as so much garbage, saying, "Good riddance!"
23-26God will provide rain for the seeds you sow. The grain that grows will be abundant. Your cattle will range far and wide. Oblivious to war and earthquake, the oxen and donkeys you use for hauling and plowing will be fed well near running brooks that flow freely from mountains and hills. Better yet, on the Day God heals his people of the wounds and bruises from the time of punishment, moonlight will flare into sunlight, and sunlight, like a whole week of sunshine at once, will flood the land.




Isn't that awesome! So many times I get distracted and I get caught up in worrying and trying to figure things out. I really need to remember that "In returning to Him and resting in Him I shall be saved. In quietness and trusting confidence will be my strength." (that's the NKJV of verse 15). I can say this with all truthfulness I need strength to get through stuff in the days ahead. Good stuff and not so fun stuff. The previous passage goes really well with Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength they shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall walk and not faint." I am so glad I don't have to walk through life completely on my own. I don't have to fight battles on my own. I am capable and confident when I rest in Him.

I think I will leave you with that.
Shalom

Back to School

Here are some pics of my apartment all set up and ready for school. Here I am back at the place where I can say with all certainty is where God wants me to be. I am here with the confidence that He will walk me through and be my constant companion through it all. I may not feel ready but with God I can do it all and I choose to confess that this day.

Ok, I am done preaching at myself. What do you think of the view out my windows. Right now I can see and here a race going on over at the race track. It's loud and if it's like last year it will go late.

It is so weird to be back because it almost doesn't feel like I left. The summer almost feels like a distant dream. And it was a good summer.

Living in town does have it's benefits like going to the dollar store and finding Nichole Nordeman, Avalon, Audio A and Jump5 cds all for a dollar a piece. I was really excited because I really like Nichole Nordeman's music it has such an honest, raw quality. And Audio Adrenaline is a classic Christian band almost as classic as DCTalk. Speaking of music I should probably go and change my playlist soon. Oh and I pre-ordered Skillet's cd Awake back in June and it comes out next week. I'm super stoked. So a week from tomorrow I should have it in my hands along with my last paycheck. I'm looking forward to that.

Well I will try to keep on here a little bit better, I promise.

Ponderings That Never Seem to End....

I keep wanting to blog, but I keep putting it off because...well... I wanted to write something profound. Right now the thoughts that are circling aren't anything remarkable, but here I go...

Here I am approaching my second year of college and the final one to accomplishing the goal I set, in going for 2 years of culinary arts. And the future just seems so ominous. What in the world does the future hold? That is the question that just keeps going through my head....(breath a deep breath) I have so many dreams and ideas in my head and at this point they all seem to clash. I know I'll know more when I get there and that I could change some of my goals, I already have done that I few times... I guess trying to look 10 months into the future keeps me from freaking out too much about the near future. :) I hate having expectations because things rarely meet them. Yet expectations are inevitable. So I just keeping making the cycle. Really all in all I'm not too worried about the future I just want to know what to do about some of it. There seem to be no easy answers...

I keep throwing myself into all sorts of projects here at home and going to work, because so much of life just seems...I don't know... just so undecided. So many things I desire aren't for now and I can't get discontent. I'm enjoying where I am and I try to relax about somethings. My emotions keep getting all caught up in things and it's no fun trying to untangle them from reality. See this is why I haven't blogged everything I write just sounds confusing and terrible and things aren't terrible there are just a lot of unknowns for me right now, of course if I knew everything I'd be overwhelmed. I can see God working and even when I can't visibly see it, I can sense it. There are so many things I just want to change in my life and they all start with a choice, imagine that... it's up to me.... I don't know where I am going with all this I just thought I would let everyone see that...well...I really don't have things together right now, but I know things will work out. Until next time... :)

I Have to Blog

I like so have to blog. Times have felt a little rough and I've been like incredibly busy with life and "stuff". I feel like finally I have a breakthrough, I feel like I have my joy back to the fullest. Not that it was lost, I just felt like I was having to fight really hard for it.

Last night something happened that really encouraged me and I have been praying for it for awhile somewhere around 3-4 years, I think. In all reality it was small, but the fact that because of it I was up until 1:30 am and so I only got like 6 hours of sleep last night and today was my best day of school for like almost 2 weeks and normally I don't function very well without sleep. I feel like God really prepared me for it in the couple weeks.

I hope to finally finish the blog that I started on some of the stuff that I have just really been seeking the Lord on due to all of the sudden finding it around every corner. Maybe I'll even get some pictures posted from the concert that my brother and I went to. It was a great concert! I should have time this weekend I have to work for about 4 or 5 hours the next two nights as well as tomorrow morning. Plus I have some homework and I have some cleaning I have to stop procrastinating and just do it.

I just wanted to post and say that I finally feel a release from the baggage that was trying to hold me down and it's amazing feeling. I can't even describe it... I refuse to let this joy and victory be stolen from me. God is good and nothing can stop His goodness. He really is working behind the scenes even when we can't see Him clearly in our circumstances. And prayer really does work, sometimes you just have to keep bombarding the gates of Heaven, to keep standing in the gap for those areas that need help. Don't give up, by refusing to lose ground you gain it. VICTORY!!

Awesome God

Today has been a blessed day. I am continually amazed at the goodness of the Lord when I follow Him. It can be so hard to explain how I see and feel and just know that He has His hand on things. His timing is so awesome. Most of the time for me it's not really big "happenings" it's the small things, that all come together to create the big picture. So much of the time I get so impatient, I want things to happen in my time the way I want them too. Yet when my Father God orchestrates things with His favor involved.... There is absolutely no way to describe how exhilarating and incredible it feels, to have things happen and just know that it was Him. To think He cares for me so much that He reveals Himself in a hundred million ways over and over again. Things like money for school, a dream, a simple conversation, favor from my employer, a sudden remembrance of something that is needed, learning something new about someone, going to the laundry room at the perfect time, or just being somewhere you need to be at the just the right time. I love going through the day and all the sudden it hits me that what just happened was totally and incredibly God.

There are those days that I get discouraged, nothing goes right, I have terrible conversations, I do something wrong, or it's just a really bad day. The last month has been tough. But I know when the joy of the Lord is my strength those bad days don't come as often and when they are over they don't constantly nag at me. I just have to remember to enter into that joy. When God's on my side anything is possible. I have struggled with so much in the last year with so many things and there have been so many changes and so many curve balls thrown at me. I don't think I could have made it this far or keep on going without the continually realizing that I really am self sufficient only because of Christ's sufficiency. That I am infused with the anointed one's inner strength and living under His grace ( God's power and ability in me to do what He's called me to do). I don't think I would survive much less thrive without God in my life and I'm not sure how people live without Him. I still have a lot to learn on how to rely totally and completely on Him. But I am so totally willing to learn because every time I experience Jesus Christ's presence in my life, it's a miracle that I can't and refuse to live without. The cry of my heart is to constantly know that I am pursuing and living out my destiny so that I can truly be all that He has called me to be, because only than will I truly be fulfilled and satisfied.