Buried History

They say history repeats itself. I’m not sure who they is, I suppose the repetition of history through the generations has created this statement and proved it true. As a result, everyone knows and believes that history repeats itself, but does nothing about learning from history that is quoted repeatedly. I’m getting off track here.

My Minnesota history class has a site review assignment coming due, too soon for comfort. I referred to it during my grading conference on Monday. My history instructor, upon informing the class, described it as a book report only based on a location rather than a book. I groaned inwardly when I heard about the assignment’s existence. I’m still not looking forward to completing the writing. However, I did enjoy visiting the site that I chose, the site being the old CCC camp across from my parents’ house.

I have always known that it was over there, but I never actually knew that it was over there, if you know what I mean. As I walked through the woods with my mom and two of my siblings, we came into clearings that were abnormally square and walked alongside concrete foundations hidden by trees and moss. It is as if nature herself has tried to eradicate the camp’s presence from the earth. Just as we, the human race, have tried to erase the Great Depression from our minds. The Great Depression was a time in America’s history that we appeared weak and feeble, unable to cope with the effect of war and ignorance. It took a lot of work and ingenuity to pull the United States out of the hole. Part of the process was the creation of work camps where men could make money to support their families. CCC camps served their purpose back in the day, now we move on. I suppose in a way it represents a time in the United States that brings back memories not easily erased from the older generations. A time of trials and tribulations that they only came through with hard work and sacrifice. I wish that my generation could hear and learn from the examples that went before us.

Walking the barren land that once held the hustle and bustle of human life working to rebuild a way of life and to support their families back home made me really think hard about my life. Will the steps that I take and foundations that I build be so easily covered up and forgotten as those of the men from the Baptism CCC camp? Some camps have been made into historical markers but even then we have covered them up with our idealism that the life our ancestors once lived can remain untouched by our humanly, futuristic hands and unskewed by our impractically, progressive minds. Yet, the fact remains that history leaves undeniable and permanent marks on our land and our lives. We can never escape the creation of history, because time does not stand still and we can’t go back.

This is a letter that I recently wrote for my Comp class about my history class, I enjoyed writing it so I thought I would share it with you all. :)

A New Day

So the best way to describe what I'm feeling is to give a description that maybe you can relate to. Do you know how it feels to be coming out of a black tunnel and you saw the light at the end, but than all of the sudden you were in it? That feeling of relief and joy and awe of the glory of the light. That's the way I feel. The feeling goes sooo deep. I'm content and peaceful and refreshed mentally, emotionally and physically. Well physically I get tired but you know, that's a good thing, because it proves I'm alive. I know life is probably going to get busier and there are always new battles to face. I have confidence in the God that I serve wholeheartedly and that gives me confidence to face whatever the next bend in the road brings.



Today is my birthday and I no I won't tell you how old I am now. It's really hard for me to explain the way I'm feeling. I have found my home in the cleft of the rock and I don't want to go back to the valley. I'm willing to fight. There are things that my heart desires for this new year of my life. Sometimes it's so heavy with longing that I don't know what I'm going to do. Yet I can keep my gaze on Him rather than on my desires. Yes I know He placed those desires in me, and in the right time I know they will be fulfilled.



The road to this place that I am at has not been easy and I don't have it all figured out. But I am reveling in it and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to take each day and be thankful for it.



I've found some safe places to be some safe people to be around. I'm getting out of my comfort zone. I'm pursueing, tasting, seeing, loving, living, showing, and testifying the GOODNESS of the GOD I serve. This is my joy and this is my song. The joy of the Lord is my strength.



Just so you know I am living in reality, I have to go do homework quick because I have a full day ahead of me. I just wanted to share something positive. Because life is positive.

Done and Moving On.....

I completed what I set out to accomplish. I graduated from HCC's Culinary Arts program! It still feels so surreal. I did much better than I thought I would but than again everybody says that they didn't expect anything less. I moved home and I started my summer job 3 days later (in other words 3 days ago.) Soon I will be working 8 hour days right now I've just been working 3-5 hour days since it's just cleaning right now and staff doesn't arrive for another couple of days. I think this summer job will stretch me for sure. There will be a 3 day break in July which I think after working 6 days a week I will be more than ready for. I will get done in August around the 16th and school starts the 23rd. After the last year of school and my summer job school will probably be a breeze. I'm only taking 16 credits, with two classes being online and the other 4 only averaging around 4 hours of on campus class time. It will surely be strange after being in school at least 6 hours a day and up to 14 hours a day for the last two years. I am definitely going to have to find a way to stay in shape. I don't yet know where I will be living in D-town I have done some looking but the more I look the more I lose my peace. So whatever God has in store, I know it will be good, I just am not aware of it yet. All I know for sure is that I know that I'm supposed to move to D-town and I am registered for classes at the two-year college there.

Most days it is way to easy to look ahead and start panicking because I have no clue how things are going to come together and no idea what even needs to come together. I have a feeling that there are some interesting days coming my way. God has big things in store. So many people seem to think that there are big things ahead for me. I know some of what is on my heart for the future I just don't yet know how it will all fall into place. I am doing my best not to have a paper plate mentality while I'm "waiting". Waiting is almost the wrong word because in reality I'm walking through and everyday is the day that I need to live for.

I'm really tired of getting worn out from daily life, I feel as if I have no ambition at this time. It really frustrates me. I need to get into the Word more and pray. Life can not take over anymore. Well I have some other thoughts to share but I am exhausted and I have to work in the morning. I actually get to do some baking rather than just cleaning the kitchen. It is a huge kitchen!!

F.R.O.G. O.A.D.B. (Fully Relying on God on a Daily Basis)

Well People I'm Back, I Think....

Here I am blogger world. I have been going hither and thither this semester. Doing a ton of homework along with going to class and working. Keeping busy is a good thing. I just don't have time to blog or doing very many other things that are very fun. I am almost done though here in Hibtown! This fact I am very excited about. I have no idea what has gotten into me but I have decided that after I graduate in May I am going back to school in nearby D-town. I can hardly believe it myself. I have filled out the application and I am just waiting for my mom to send my highschool transcripts. I have been debating on what to do for some time now and I haven't really hit upon anything that really made me sit up and take notice. The one thing that I have kept coming back to is D-town. So that's where I'm headed, after some input from my father, haha. No mom if you're reading this I am not moving to D-town in the fall just because of what dad said. This summer I am hoping to be working close to my parents house at a job that will be full-time for around ten weeks. Well that's all the time I have to update ya'll right now. Adios :)

Outta Here

I just want outta here to go far far away from the toture of being responsible. I don't want to do my homework, I don't want to get up early and go to school. I don't want to! I am so busy! The only reason I have time to blog is because I'm procrastinating. I don't want to write my three page paper for my Restaurant Management class. Right now I don't really care that it's due at midnight and I am no where near done. What a day at school! Ugh! The health inspector came today, soup spilled all over the floor, some of the food wasn't ready to go out on time, some people recieved raw fish, people didn't want to listen to my instructions and they were supposed to. It was frustrating. My parents came over on Saturday, with my sisters (the boys stayed home) and it was a lot of fun. Sunday I took some time to just chill out, after i went to church, walmart and a booksale. I shouldn't not have chilled out. I should have done homework. The word relax can not be allowed to be in my vocabulary. I love to hang with friends, but maybe I shouldn't. I feel so far behind. I have absolutely no time anymore. I'm busy morning noon and night. I haven't even had time to laundry, and now i'm going to have to make time, because I have no clean laundry. I was going to wait until I go to my parents house. But I can't. I sure hope that that there is at least one washer open. I wish I could just get ahead in some of this homework, but most days I am barely maintaining! Ugh! I guess I should get off of here and stop procrastinating....

Homework, Work, Cellphones and Drama

Ok well I have been extremely busy with homework, but not so much work until this week. I am very grateful for my busy work week. It's been abnormally busy, after tomorrow I'll have worked 5 days this week. Normally it's just like two days a week. I am counting my blessings as well as planning on evading Wally World for a time. Ecspecially after going 4 days in a row last weekend, primarily for my costing homework, but how can you go into Walmart without spending money??? I don't know how people do it. Normally I try to only go once a week, but because of my costing homework I needed prices and that is the best place to go. I have to admit I am quite relieved to be done with my costing sheets for my cost control class. It was a lot of work.

What is Worth It?

Don't ask me if the title of this blog is supposed to make any sense, ok. I just want to figure is what I have been trying NOT to think about worth my time trying NOT to think about it? I don't know. If I stop trying NOT to think about it will I stop thinking about it? I have no clue! I wish I knew the answer. Right now I am just really tired and I just finished my homework and it took me about 4 hours to do 3 questions, of course I had my tv on, but still I was diligently working. I don't even know if I did it right. It kind of freaks me out because I really want to do well in my classes, I just don't know. It doesn't help that right now I am super emotional and a tish crabby because of it. And to add to all that I seem to be constantly crabby. Oh and did I mention that there is drama going on? I really don't like drama it just gets so over dramatic. It doesn't bother me as much as last year and most of it just rolls right off my back, but it sure is annoying. Why do so many people depend on drama to entertain them? I'm not really sure. I know one person who's life statement is... oh never mind, I can't really say it on here. The ups and downs of college life wouldn't be so up and down if it weren't for those around me having so many ups and downs that seem to slightly effect mine.

Here is my question of the week (even though the week is almost over): What is worth it (i.e. my time, my thoughts, my efforts, my talking)? Actually I should say that that is the question I will be judging everything by and I will use Phil 4:? (I'm too tired to go check the verse on that one, but it's the one that goes, "whatever is pure, whatever is noble, etc.... think on these things")

You have just read my rambling and very tired thoughts. I hope it was worth your time. I don't really think it was but I'm still going to publish it. I'm not sure why though...

P.S. Life is going just fine, it's actually pretty good all in all. :)

Update Before Week 2 Starts

So I thought I would give you all an update (I'm not sure who all read this).

The first week of school went really well. So far nothing too exciting has taken place. All of us 2nd years put the menu together for the next 2 weeks. We will be in the cafeteria through about the 21st. I still can hardly believe that I am back at school and it feels so normal. There are a lot of things that I can tell will stretch me in this school year, but that's why I am going to college so that I can learn and grow.

Yesterday I worked at the planetarium for 8 hours. It was pretty boring since I am being trained in to be a console operator. Speaking of which if anyone has a good birthday party game that is simple and doesn't take a lot of stuff. Comment on here pleeeeeaaaaassssseeee. Console operators have to host birthday parties. Which includes playing games with the kids. I think that is my least favorite part. Parents have such high expectations, I'm not sure why they expect so much from us when they don't even know what games to play. I did get homework done yesterday. I should do some more and get ahead a little bit though.

Already there is drama going on here. I am amazed at how many people are already starting dating relationships with people they barely know. As well as the lengths people will go to get a guy or a girl. I don't think college is all about seeing how fast you can hook-up with someone. Although I do understand how tempting it is, because when you don't "fit the norm" you get lonely. I don't like to be lonely, but I want God's best for my life, I don't want to settle for second best and than regret it, ya know.

Well I should go to bed here because once again tomorrow is Monday and I want to be fresh for the start of my second week of school. I will leave you with a qoute of a qoute from "When God Writes Your Love Story" that I thought was really interesting and made me really think.

"If we cut off their tongues and forbid the Christian speech, they love with their hands, with their feet and with their eyes, they love always and everywhere until their last respiration. Does anybody know how to take out the power of love from these stupid Christians?" This was spoken by a Romanian prison guard who found both his fulfillment and frustration in torturing Christians

Remember to really live today, because tomorrow is always tomorrow and yesterday is always past.

Shalom

Back to School

Here are some pics of my apartment all set up and ready for school. Here I am back at the place where I can say with all certainty is where God wants me to be. I am here with the confidence that He will walk me through and be my constant companion through it all. I may not feel ready but with God I can do it all and I choose to confess that this day.

Ok, I am done preaching at myself. What do you think of the view out my windows. Right now I can see and here a race going on over at the race track. It's loud and if it's like last year it will go late.

It is so weird to be back because it almost doesn't feel like I left. The summer almost feels like a distant dream. And it was a good summer.

Living in town does have it's benefits like going to the dollar store and finding Nichole Nordeman, Avalon, Audio A and Jump5 cds all for a dollar a piece. I was really excited because I really like Nichole Nordeman's music it has such an honest, raw quality. And Audio Adrenaline is a classic Christian band almost as classic as DCTalk. Speaking of music I should probably go and change my playlist soon. Oh and I pre-ordered Skillet's cd Awake back in June and it comes out next week. I'm super stoked. So a week from tomorrow I should have it in my hands along with my last paycheck. I'm looking forward to that.

Well I will try to keep on here a little bit better, I promise.

School....ALREADY!!! Yikes!!!!

I know I haven't been on here for awhile. I have been mulling some things over that I will soon post about. I CAN NOT believe that in a week and a half I will be living back in Hibbing for the school year and God only knows what comes after that (I don't say that lightly). A year ago I had no clue where I would be at and now here I am entering yet another new season of my life! I am excited but slightly hesitant. Anyways back to the present! This is my last week of my summer job, it's been good, but I have to say that I won't miss the 80 miles that I drive every day that I work. My car has held up through it all and I've been getting 30-36 miles to the gallon all summer. This is because I just get in my car and go there is only one stop sign and that's when I get to town. Tomorrow I am going to get my back to school haircut! I am pretty excited for that, since my bangs are always annoyingly in my eyes. They make it hard to berry pick. Tonight I went out with my mom and my sis Sal (check out here new blog with her friend ME www.modest--is--hottest.blogspot.com) and my mom and I picked about a gallon of berries each in 2 hours. So that's not too bad considering last week we went out about 3 hours and picked a gallon combined. This summer has been crazy weather wise. I don't know how many times I've driven to work and had to use my wipers. It's funny how many different types of weather you can see during a 40 mile drive :) I think part of the reason I'm kinda in "withdrawal" about the fact that school starts in 2 weeks it's because summer never really arrived, although it's supposed to be nice and warm for the next few days. I have to say it will be nice to have a change in weather even though I work for the next 3 days. The major project of putting books and shelves up is done! It's a great feeling and it looks really nice. There are a few more boxes to empty but first we must have another rummage sale. My mom did do pretty well getting rid of books, better than I expected! I'm hoping to get pictures up soon on here and my facebook. Sometimes I'm not sure where time goes, but I look and think oh I'm doing ok time wise and than I look again and time is gone. That is just one of my many ponderings. Hopefully I'll get on here again soon and post one of my more in depth blogs. Right now you'll all just have to be patient. Remember to F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely on God)

Ponderings That Never Seem to End....

I keep wanting to blog, but I keep putting it off because...well... I wanted to write something profound. Right now the thoughts that are circling aren't anything remarkable, but here I go...

Here I am approaching my second year of college and the final one to accomplishing the goal I set, in going for 2 years of culinary arts. And the future just seems so ominous. What in the world does the future hold? That is the question that just keeps going through my head....(breath a deep breath) I have so many dreams and ideas in my head and at this point they all seem to clash. I know I'll know more when I get there and that I could change some of my goals, I already have done that I few times... I guess trying to look 10 months into the future keeps me from freaking out too much about the near future. :) I hate having expectations because things rarely meet them. Yet expectations are inevitable. So I just keeping making the cycle. Really all in all I'm not too worried about the future I just want to know what to do about some of it. There seem to be no easy answers...

I keep throwing myself into all sorts of projects here at home and going to work, because so much of life just seems...I don't know... just so undecided. So many things I desire aren't for now and I can't get discontent. I'm enjoying where I am and I try to relax about somethings. My emotions keep getting all caught up in things and it's no fun trying to untangle them from reality. See this is why I haven't blogged everything I write just sounds confusing and terrible and things aren't terrible there are just a lot of unknowns for me right now, of course if I knew everything I'd be overwhelmed. I can see God working and even when I can't visibly see it, I can sense it. There are so many things I just want to change in my life and they all start with a choice, imagine that... it's up to me.... I don't know where I am going with all this I just thought I would let everyone see that...well...I really don't have things together right now, but I know things will work out. Until next time... :)

Final

By the way my culinary practical final is on Tuesday... I'm hoping for the best! I'm praying for God's peace, wisdom, and confidence to get me through.

Well....

I really don't know where the time exactly goes (I know that I seem to always come back to this), but it's true. I am down to only 3 1/2 weeks of school left. It's incredible that I am almost done with my first year of college.

This last week was really busy and I missed my computer class all week and it's canceled on Monday. My culinary classes went well though so that is a really good feeling. I'm feeling more confident all around in the kitchen. On Monday the whole class went to the food show in Duluth it was really interesting. I tasted a lot of food, including an apple pear, passion fruit, and Captain Ken's bake beans, plus a whole lot more. Then on Tuesday I participated in prepping for the foundation dinner which was fun and a ton of work for it all to be over in an hour. For the first time I tried Calamari, and the texture is indescribably weird. There was also cured salmon with a cucumber dill sauce the sauce was amazing and I don't like cucumbers. The fried plantains were really good so was the galiantine. The theme of the appetizers and main entree was the pirates of penzance. So Wednesday was a 13 hour day in the kitchen, needless to say it was a crazy day! I did get all the homework from the last week done and turned in. Thursday was the Empty Bowl, which is a fundraiser for the Food Shelf. It was pretty relaxed in the kitchen, we spent quite a bit of time just kind of cleaning the kitchen. Not fun but better than standing around doing nothing. The last 2 weeks of school will more than likely pretty much consist of cleaning the kitchen for the summer. That should be "fun"?!

There are still some things that need to be done around here, like a tiny bit of computer homework. I need to upload pics to Walmart so that I can get them before I move back home! Once again my apartment is messy, my bathroom really needs to be cleaned, and I absolutely have to do laundry tomorrow. I plan on doing it early so that I don't have to deal with a lot of people hanging out, they should all still be sleeping on a Saturday morning ecspecially after a pajama party. Please don't ask, I was "invited", but I haven't a clue!

I am really looking forward to leaving and taking a break from the craziness of people here. Most of the time it is okay. Still there are some beliefs, values and attitudes that I could really do without and it is true that some of them are mine. All of the sudden I'm tired, it's been kind of a long day. Plus I do have to work tomorrow afternoon and I need to run some errands. I'm almost ready to start seriously preparing to move back home. I have a feeling that time is going to go way too fast until then and that the summer is going to fly and school will start all over, but hey I'm getting way to ahead of myself now. Although thinking that far ahead is not stressing me out and that is a very good feeling! I think I had better head to bed now. Until later ya'll