Some days it's really hard to look at the big picture. Most of the time it's way too easy to continually look at the valleys and at how high the mountain tops are. I was very grateful for my Aunt's reminder that in the big picture some trials are very small. Yet as we are walking through/up they seem like Mount Everest. I had to walk through a situation this weekend that wasn't easy, but God had been dealing with me on it and I knew I was riding the fence. It was really hard for me to bite the bullet, I cried and prayed my way through it. It wasn't fun, but I passed the test and I know God was smiling down at me. I know that what God has for me will be so much better, I don't want the counterfeit or second best. I want His absolute best for me. God and I have been dealing with this particular issue for awhile now and I finally said "Ok God I'll do it your way, I'll let it go and throw myself into your arms and trust." I have to refine my focus and look not just at what's right in front of me, but at the entire landscape.
Sometimes it's really hard to be still and know that He truly is God. Lately I have been struggling to keep my joy. Most days I feel like I'm just surviving, but not truly thriving. I need to get my joy back, I know that it's not a natural thing and it's not based on circumstances. It's supernatural and in it is my strength.
School is going well overall. There aren't too many things that I really want to complain about. I just know that things could be way better than they are.
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Monday, October 26, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sometimes....
Lately I just don't know.... Well I do but.... you know those days.... where....
I have had some interesting situations to walk through. When isn't life interesting? I've had a good week! Sunday I went to Duluth and saw my Aunt and Uncle and my cousins. That was good, it was a much needed break. I hung out with a friend on Monday, that was fun it made my day better. Monday I was fighting the why me's and feeling crabby and than I got a call that just made my day. Sshh don't tell that person :) Than Tuesday I hung out with another friend... That was a little more interesting, but I think I gracefully glided through it. Wednsday I worked after school. Despite the fact that it was my birthday it was a very low-key day. Than today after class I did homework and I went to The Edge. That was fun.
My classes are still going really well. It turns out that I am going to be chef for the first buffet which is next month. I'm a little nervous about that... It will be an interesting experience. I finished my Finnish menu choices for my cost control final. Now I have to pick the recipes and cost them all out. It's going to be a lot of work. I have learned quite a bit so far. It's really interesting to think about another countries food and how food gets to be a considered to belong to a specific ethnic group. I've been having fun in my baking class. It's been a really great experience so far.
I've been feeling so out of sync when it comes to some things. I so badly want to hear the voice of God more and more clearly. It's so important in this day and age. I don't want theology I want a revelation. I want to be so filled with the light of God that the darkness tries to hide. People don't need to just understand God with their brains, they need to see how real God is and really know who He is.
I've been thinking that I once again need to turn my eyes to the goodness of God. I need to look at all that He's doing rather than look at things I want to change. Maybe if I change my focus I won't feel so much lacking. I'm so sick and tired of this cycle that seems so pointless and endless. I don't want to be moved by how I feel because my feelings shouldn't move me so much.
I want to be able to handle some situations better....
Life just keeps getting more interesting everyday.
Still no matter the circumstances... Peace Reigns, Love Wins and Joy is in the House!!!!
I have had some interesting situations to walk through. When isn't life interesting? I've had a good week! Sunday I went to Duluth and saw my Aunt and Uncle and my cousins. That was good, it was a much needed break. I hung out with a friend on Monday, that was fun it made my day better. Monday I was fighting the why me's and feeling crabby and than I got a call that just made my day. Sshh don't tell that person :) Than Tuesday I hung out with another friend... That was a little more interesting, but I think I gracefully glided through it. Wednsday I worked after school. Despite the fact that it was my birthday it was a very low-key day. Than today after class I did homework and I went to The Edge. That was fun.
My classes are still going really well. It turns out that I am going to be chef for the first buffet which is next month. I'm a little nervous about that... It will be an interesting experience. I finished my Finnish menu choices for my cost control final. Now I have to pick the recipes and cost them all out. It's going to be a lot of work. I have learned quite a bit so far. It's really interesting to think about another countries food and how food gets to be a considered to belong to a specific ethnic group. I've been having fun in my baking class. It's been a really great experience so far.
I've been feeling so out of sync when it comes to some things. I so badly want to hear the voice of God more and more clearly. It's so important in this day and age. I don't want theology I want a revelation. I want to be so filled with the light of God that the darkness tries to hide. People don't need to just understand God with their brains, they need to see how real God is and really know who He is.
I've been thinking that I once again need to turn my eyes to the goodness of God. I need to look at all that He's doing rather than look at things I want to change. Maybe if I change my focus I won't feel so much lacking. I'm so sick and tired of this cycle that seems so pointless and endless. I don't want to be moved by how I feel because my feelings shouldn't move me so much.
I want to be able to handle some situations better....
Life just keeps getting more interesting everyday.
Still no matter the circumstances... Peace Reigns, Love Wins and Joy is in the House!!!!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Sitting Here Thinking
I have about an hour before I have to be at work. And I am sitting here thinking about a lot of stuff so I thought I would let you all in on a few of my very deep thoughts. LOL!
In one week I will be home and trying to rearrange 9 months of stuff, so that my room will be liveable for the 3 months I will be home. I think by the time it's how I want it to be it will be time for me to move back to Hibbing for my second year of culinary. Oh well, life is meant to be interesting. This summer I will be doing housekeeping in El* at an outfitters there. It should be interesting.
I hosted a few "parties" in the last few weeks. I believe I mentioned one in my last blog. I had fun hanging with friends even though it got late and I was tired and still am tired. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I got see some sides of people that I wouldn't have ever seen otherwise. I don't know what I am supposed to do with any of it. Ecspecially when it has to do with two certain people. I hate feeling like I am reading things into certain things. For some I would love to be wrong about others I would just like to understand. I got to here some different music... The Spill Canvas has some interesting music, that's for sure, and that was only one of them. I now have some music that one of my classmates did. It's really good.
College is definitely a learning experience. I have learned and grown a lot over the past year. I've walked through stuff that could have totally freaked me out, if not for the grace of God. I have lots of stories to tell, that I am not going to go into right now. Life is so good. I just wish that it didn't have to change so much. I was reading a book while waiting for someone to come over today, it's one I've heard before but it was difinetly worth reading again..."True courage is not the abscence of fear. It is refusing to allow fear to control your actions." Here is one that correlates as well, "Slavery to fear is much worse than the bruises and scars of a few falls." As I was reading, I was also listening to music and these lyrics caught my attention-
But I won't question in the dark
What is true out in the light
I will follow after You
Through the sun and through the night
Cause You've got me
Right where You want me
Yeah You've got me
Right where I need to be
And I'm standing amazed
These lyrics caught my attention because it's something that I have battled with. How many times do I question the Lord when things aren't going how I want and I am discouraged, but the principles and things that I know are still true they just seem really quiet. I'm tired of questioning in the dark when I know what's true. If that makes since. I've had the reassurance throughout this last year that I am right where He has wanted me to be. And in the good times I do stand amazed, now in those dark times I just have to remember that. I hope my ramblings make some sense.
Well I have to be to work in about 10 mintues so I had better get moving.
Later-
In one week I will be home and trying to rearrange 9 months of stuff, so that my room will be liveable for the 3 months I will be home. I think by the time it's how I want it to be it will be time for me to move back to Hibbing for my second year of culinary. Oh well, life is meant to be interesting. This summer I will be doing housekeeping in El* at an outfitters there. It should be interesting.
I hosted a few "parties" in the last few weeks. I believe I mentioned one in my last blog. I had fun hanging with friends even though it got late and I was tired and still am tired. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I got see some sides of people that I wouldn't have ever seen otherwise. I don't know what I am supposed to do with any of it. Ecspecially when it has to do with two certain people. I hate feeling like I am reading things into certain things. For some I would love to be wrong about others I would just like to understand. I got to here some different music... The Spill Canvas has some interesting music, that's for sure, and that was only one of them. I now have some music that one of my classmates did. It's really good.
College is definitely a learning experience. I have learned and grown a lot over the past year. I've walked through stuff that could have totally freaked me out, if not for the grace of God. I have lots of stories to tell, that I am not going to go into right now. Life is so good. I just wish that it didn't have to change so much. I was reading a book while waiting for someone to come over today, it's one I've heard before but it was difinetly worth reading again..."True courage is not the abscence of fear. It is refusing to allow fear to control your actions." Here is one that correlates as well, "Slavery to fear is much worse than the bruises and scars of a few falls." As I was reading, I was also listening to music and these lyrics caught my attention-
But I won't question in the dark
What is true out in the light
I will follow after You
Through the sun and through the night
Cause You've got me
Right where You want me
Yeah You've got me
Right where I need to be
And I'm standing amazed
These lyrics caught my attention because it's something that I have battled with. How many times do I question the Lord when things aren't going how I want and I am discouraged, but the principles and things that I know are still true they just seem really quiet. I'm tired of questioning in the dark when I know what's true. If that makes since. I've had the reassurance throughout this last year that I am right where He has wanted me to be. And in the good times I do stand amazed, now in those dark times I just have to remember that. I hope my ramblings make some sense.
Well I have to be to work in about 10 mintues so I had better get moving.
Later-
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Sarcasm
Ok here it goes!
I'm almost done with my first year of college and although I thought I could almost take a sigh of relief, I find that I have a couple of hurdles to jump and hedges to look around. And I'm not too excited about the one that will be happening the soonest, I just hope that it's not what I think it is. I'm sorry the specifics on that one will remain vague....
Anyways as the year is winding down and I look back over and contemplate my interactions with my classmates, I find that I have found a not so great coping mechanism.... SARCASM. I understand that it might not be that big a deal, but I feel convicted. There is always so much teasing, so many negative conversations and a word play/twisting swirling around me. And how do I respond... Sarcasm. I often find myself suddenly having something quick to respond with to whoever is conversing with me. Don't get me wrong, I never talk inappropriately! I just respond quickly and to their often "interesting" (if you know what I mean) comments. I enjoy the word play that can go back and forth, but is responding that way always right? I do know one thing most of the time sarcasm tears down, it doesn't build up, like the Bible says that our communication should. That is why I feel convicted. I feel stuck in this rut that I have put myself in while entering into the day to day banter of my culinary classes. Everybody does it! I don't want to tear down, because I fully realize that something said sarcastically or as a joke can come back and haunt you and the person that you said it to. In the greek it literally means "to tear flesh". Pretty terrible huh?
Here are a few things that I have found that I am going to try to remember with the Holy Spirit's prompting. "He who guards his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction" "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness." "The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, But the heart of the fool does not do so." "A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!" "The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; The wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook." "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles." "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But whoever restrains his lips is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is worth little, The lips of the righteous feed many, But fools die for lack of wisdom" And this one always gets me "Life and death are in the power of the tongue, those who love it shall eat its fruit." In James it talks about the power of the tongue being like the small rudder of a ship steering a big ship or a small spark setting a forest fire. Then in Colossians it says that our speech is to be graceful, and seasoned with salt as Mathew says that we are the salt of the earth. How's that for convicting? It sure has gotten to me.
I have an excuse though it's how I hide what I'm really feeling. It has also become how I cope with the "stuff" that goes on. SARCASM has become a BAD habit. It's how I interact to "fit" in without compromising. But yet I have because I'm not always speaking life! It's so easy to say something sarcastic and have everyone laugh and then it's no longer about me. So what am I supposed to do?
I haven't figured out all the answers to this nagging question... Sarcasm? Do? or Don't? I guess there is a place for it sometimes, maybe? I just know that it's something I'm beginning to watch more carefully, I'm just concerned that my tongue will become very battered and bruised from me continually having to bite it. If I'm using sarcasm as a method of hiding and coping, what's the truth behind my classmates, sarcasm and word plays? Maybe if I hold my tongue more I can listen to the truth behind the veil of sarcasm and the word plays they are constantly welding.
Learning to bite my tongue and listen is the new habit I will be practicing tomorrow and the days to come. As the old saying goes "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."
I'm almost done with my first year of college and although I thought I could almost take a sigh of relief, I find that I have a couple of hurdles to jump and hedges to look around. And I'm not too excited about the one that will be happening the soonest, I just hope that it's not what I think it is. I'm sorry the specifics on that one will remain vague....
Anyways as the year is winding down and I look back over and contemplate my interactions with my classmates, I find that I have found a not so great coping mechanism.... SARCASM. I understand that it might not be that big a deal, but I feel convicted. There is always so much teasing, so many negative conversations and a word play/twisting swirling around me. And how do I respond... Sarcasm. I often find myself suddenly having something quick to respond with to whoever is conversing with me. Don't get me wrong, I never talk inappropriately! I just respond quickly and to their often "interesting" (if you know what I mean) comments. I enjoy the word play that can go back and forth, but is responding that way always right? I do know one thing most of the time sarcasm tears down, it doesn't build up, like the Bible says that our communication should. That is why I feel convicted. I feel stuck in this rut that I have put myself in while entering into the day to day banter of my culinary classes. Everybody does it! I don't want to tear down, because I fully realize that something said sarcastically or as a joke can come back and haunt you and the person that you said it to. In the greek it literally means "to tear flesh". Pretty terrible huh?
Here are a few things that I have found that I am going to try to remember with the Holy Spirit's prompting. "He who guards his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction" "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness." "The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, But the heart of the fool does not do so." "A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!" "The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; The wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook." "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles." "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But whoever restrains his lips is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is worth little, The lips of the righteous feed many, But fools die for lack of wisdom" And this one always gets me "Life and death are in the power of the tongue, those who love it shall eat its fruit." In James it talks about the power of the tongue being like the small rudder of a ship steering a big ship or a small spark setting a forest fire. Then in Colossians it says that our speech is to be graceful, and seasoned with salt as Mathew says that we are the salt of the earth. How's that for convicting? It sure has gotten to me.
I have an excuse though it's how I hide what I'm really feeling. It has also become how I cope with the "stuff" that goes on. SARCASM has become a BAD habit. It's how I interact to "fit" in without compromising. But yet I have because I'm not always speaking life! It's so easy to say something sarcastic and have everyone laugh and then it's no longer about me. So what am I supposed to do?
I haven't figured out all the answers to this nagging question... Sarcasm? Do? or Don't? I guess there is a place for it sometimes, maybe? I just know that it's something I'm beginning to watch more carefully, I'm just concerned that my tongue will become very battered and bruised from me continually having to bite it. If I'm using sarcasm as a method of hiding and coping, what's the truth behind my classmates, sarcasm and word plays? Maybe if I hold my tongue more I can listen to the truth behind the veil of sarcasm and the word plays they are constantly welding.
Learning to bite my tongue and listen is the new habit I will be practicing tomorrow and the days to come. As the old saying goes "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."
Friday, April 24, 2009
Well....
I really don't know where the time exactly goes (I know that I seem to always come back to this), but it's true. I am down to only 3 1/2 weeks of school left. It's incredible that I am almost done with my first year of college.
This last week was really busy and I missed my computer class all week and it's canceled on Monday. My culinary classes went well though so that is a really good feeling. I'm feeling more confident all around in the kitchen. On Monday the whole class went to the food show in Duluth it was really interesting. I tasted a lot of food, including an apple pear, passion fruit, and Captain Ken's bake beans, plus a whole lot more. Then on Tuesday I participated in prepping for the foundation dinner which was fun and a ton of work for it all to be over in an hour. For the first time I tried Calamari, and the texture is indescribably weird. There was also cured salmon with a cucumber dill sauce the sauce was amazing and I don't like cucumbers. The fried plantains were really good so was the galiantine. The theme of the appetizers and main entree was the pirates of penzance. So Wednesday was a 13 hour day in the kitchen, needless to say it was a crazy day! I did get all the homework from the last week done and turned in. Thursday was the Empty Bowl, which is a fundraiser for the Food Shelf. It was pretty relaxed in the kitchen, we spent quite a bit of time just kind of cleaning the kitchen. Not fun but better than standing around doing nothing. The last 2 weeks of school will more than likely pretty much consist of cleaning the kitchen for the summer. That should be "fun"?!
There are still some things that need to be done around here, like a tiny bit of computer homework. I need to upload pics to Walmart so that I can get them before I move back home! Once again my apartment is messy, my bathroom really needs to be cleaned, and I absolutely have to do laundry tomorrow. I plan on doing it early so that I don't have to deal with a lot of people hanging out, they should all still be sleeping on a Saturday morning ecspecially after a pajama party. Please don't ask, I was "invited", but I haven't a clue!
I am really looking forward to leaving and taking a break from the craziness of people here. Most of the time it is okay. Still there are some beliefs, values and attitudes that I could really do without and it is true that some of them are mine. All of the sudden I'm tired, it's been kind of a long day. Plus I do have to work tomorrow afternoon and I need to run some errands. I'm almost ready to start seriously preparing to move back home. I have a feeling that time is going to go way too fast until then and that the summer is going to fly and school will start all over, but hey I'm getting way to ahead of myself now. Although thinking that far ahead is not stressing me out and that is a very good feeling! I think I had better head to bed now. Until later ya'll
This last week was really busy and I missed my computer class all week and it's canceled on Monday. My culinary classes went well though so that is a really good feeling. I'm feeling more confident all around in the kitchen. On Monday the whole class went to the food show in Duluth it was really interesting. I tasted a lot of food, including an apple pear, passion fruit, and Captain Ken's bake beans, plus a whole lot more. Then on Tuesday I participated in prepping for the foundation dinner which was fun and a ton of work for it all to be over in an hour. For the first time I tried Calamari, and the texture is indescribably weird. There was also cured salmon with a cucumber dill sauce the sauce was amazing and I don't like cucumbers. The fried plantains were really good so was the galiantine. The theme of the appetizers and main entree was the pirates of penzance. So Wednesday was a 13 hour day in the kitchen, needless to say it was a crazy day! I did get all the homework from the last week done and turned in. Thursday was the Empty Bowl, which is a fundraiser for the Food Shelf. It was pretty relaxed in the kitchen, we spent quite a bit of time just kind of cleaning the kitchen. Not fun but better than standing around doing nothing. The last 2 weeks of school will more than likely pretty much consist of cleaning the kitchen for the summer. That should be "fun"?!
There are still some things that need to be done around here, like a tiny bit of computer homework. I need to upload pics to Walmart so that I can get them before I move back home! Once again my apartment is messy, my bathroom really needs to be cleaned, and I absolutely have to do laundry tomorrow. I plan on doing it early so that I don't have to deal with a lot of people hanging out, they should all still be sleeping on a Saturday morning ecspecially after a pajama party. Please don't ask, I was "invited", but I haven't a clue!
I am really looking forward to leaving and taking a break from the craziness of people here. Most of the time it is okay. Still there are some beliefs, values and attitudes that I could really do without and it is true that some of them are mine. All of the sudden I'm tired, it's been kind of a long day. Plus I do have to work tomorrow afternoon and I need to run some errands. I'm almost ready to start seriously preparing to move back home. I have a feeling that time is going to go way too fast until then and that the summer is going to fly and school will start all over, but hey I'm getting way to ahead of myself now. Although thinking that far ahead is not stressing me out and that is a very good feeling! I think I had better head to bed now. Until later ya'll
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Busy, busy, busy
I have been really busy. Right now it feels like my life has been a blur. I have been meaning to get on here and post, but between homework, housework, school, work, work and sleeping I honestly feel behind. Still I am surviving and even thriving right now, accept for this headache that's pounding in my head. I think it's from to much sugar and not enough water. Now that I have IPC homework turned in, the quiz over with, computer applications assignment done, the 2nd years dinner invitations basically done, 2 scholarship applications mailed, registered for class in the fall, all the paperwork for my summer job finished up, financial aid info verified and the article for work emailed in, I decided I should take a moment to write. I still have: 2 final projects to complete, one part of one of them is due next week, at least one extra credit paper in IPC to write, an apartment to clean, new computer stuff to figure out, to find out if I should register for another class for fall (my work load will then be 21 credits), figure out how I'm going to live this summer, go through a stack of magazines, and get paperwork taken care of for an apartment in August. One of my far stretching goals that I have are to get in shape, even though I can spend 12 hours on my feet and not be too tired at the end. I'm sure there are more I just can think of them right now, I am so tired mentally and physically right now. There is a lot of school related stuff going on in the next 5 weeks! There are times I don't think I can keep up. I'm so thankful for the Lord's joy as it is the strength I am thriving on right now. I have so many things to be thankful for right now, I'm definitely counting my blessings. I'll have to tell more later as it is most definitely time for me to get some shut eye. I will do my best to get on here again to post some thoughts on some very relevant matters.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
I don't know why I'm doing this right now
I'm not sure why I'm sitting in the game room of my apartment building when I should be getting ready to leave for a week?? I guess because I'm hungry and I was out until after 1 am or maybe I should just leave it at that. I really enjoy the one night a week that I take to be irresponsible, and before anybody says whoa that's not good and I get scolded. I go out on Friday nights after work and hang out with a bunch of young adults on church property until late into the night. The only thing irresponsible in it is that I'm out late. Anyways it was a good time and as always very interesting. You just have to love that about the human race as long as we're human we will act human and make life interesting for ourselves and others.
I am so glad that the last 2-4 weeks are over. One midterm is done, my first 4 weeks in the other kitchen are done, I'm recovering from whatever bug was attacking me (no not a literal bug!), I get to go home and leave this atmosphere and the emotional and everyday drama that is continually going on here. I'm so happy. I NEED a break DESPERATELY. The upside is that I am FINALLY connecting with other believers. They are so hard to find. The Chi Alpha group on campus is growing, yeah, and I'm connecting more with the people from the young adult group I go to.
My life has just kind of felt the a roller coaster. And I know that it's just going to get busier as spring sets in! I'm really excited for Spring, it's definitely in the air! Yesterday I ran errands in just a sweatshirt, no coat. It was like a whole 40 degrees outside. LOL!!! Well I had better go and do my stuff since I have to work at 1 and I need to have stuff done so that I can go home TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I'm excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so glad that the last 2-4 weeks are over. One midterm is done, my first 4 weeks in the other kitchen are done, I'm recovering from whatever bug was attacking me (no not a literal bug!), I get to go home and leave this atmosphere and the emotional and everyday drama that is continually going on here. I'm so happy. I NEED a break DESPERATELY. The upside is that I am FINALLY connecting with other believers. They are so hard to find. The Chi Alpha group on campus is growing, yeah, and I'm connecting more with the people from the young adult group I go to.
My life has just kind of felt the a roller coaster. And I know that it's just going to get busier as spring sets in! I'm really excited for Spring, it's definitely in the air! Yesterday I ran errands in just a sweatshirt, no coat. It was like a whole 40 degrees outside. LOL!!! Well I had better go and do my stuff since I have to work at 1 and I need to have stuff done so that I can go home TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I'm excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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