Do You Ever?

Do you ever just want to shout from the rooftops?! I do!!!
Do ever want to dance and jump until you have nothing left?! I do!!!
Do you ever want to fall on your face before God and cry your eyes out?! I do!!!!

I can't really explain how I'm feeling right now. Other than I'm free!!!!!! Life is soo worth living to it's fullest with a relationship with our Heavenly Father! He is sooo Good! He NEVER fails.

I have been making big decisions and I won't go into too much detail, but I will say this I am so full of joy and anticipation that I can not contain it. I just can hardly wait to see what God has in store. I'm stepping out in faith and believing for doors to open. I knew big things were coming when I made the decision to move where I'm at. I can't say that things happened exactly like I thought they would, but I have no regrets.

After my small group tonight, I dropped some of the girls off and all the way home songs singing of God's goodness were on the radio and how you can't help but tell the world. Well people that's what I'm doing! God has taken me places and put me in positions that I never dreamed of. And it's stretching me and it kinda scares me, but I'm loving every minute. That doesn't mean I don't have doubts or struggles. It just means that no matter what circumstances come I will not be moved because I have confidence in the God I serve. My heart is so full tonight and has been for the past 2 weeks or so.

I have the perfect illustration (I think), after church on Sunday I was standing with my front door open but the screen door was closed and the sun was shining in and it was so warm and it just wrapped me up in it's warmth and made me smile. I was wearing a black shirt so it was absorbing the sun as well. Than during worship at church on Sunday night I just got this picture of how it is when our heavenly father is smiling down on us and He wants to continuelly wrap His Love around us and it in that we get this warmth around us like a protective sheild against the cold (believe me it was really cold out that day) of daily life. And when we live in His Son we can continueally have a smile on our face. I want to live in the warmth of His love every day of my life. It's an amazing thing!

I Wonder....

Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth my time to blog. I don't have much off time right now and I probably won't for quite awhile. I love my cooking job at camp. Of course tomorrow it gets even busier now that the kids have arrived. This first session has 75 kids and 50 staff members. So that's basically once you round it 130 people for every meal. I'm only responsible for the evening meal and all three meals on Sunday. It's a lot of work of course, but it's really nice to put everything I've learned over the last two years in school to good use. I finally got all my classes registered for at my college of choice this fall. I'm taking 15 credits it should be interesting, I still don't have a for sure place to live yet but I do have a slight lead. I'm not too worried though so far things have fallen into place just fine even though I have stressed out about things more than once. I really can't control everything that's definitely a hard lesson to learn and live out. I'm not as bad as I used be be. I'm super sore thanks to wild strawberry picking I can barely walk, haha. Well actually it's not that funny because I've been up since 5 am and I cooked from 6 am to 3 pm today and right now I'm chilling out and trying to get up the gumption to move my legs, but it's a lot of work.
The last few couple of weeks have contained good and bad surprises. The bad surprise was that my families dog had to be put done a week ago today. He couldn't walk anymore. I didn't get to say goodbye though because I left for work at 5:30 am and my family had to leave before I got home and they didn't want him to suffer. It was kinda hard. Change happens around every corner sometimes it's definitely not fun or easy. Anyways the good news can wait. Because I really need to get moving or maybe get sleeping I'm not sure yet. :) Motivation has been hiding around the corner for me lately and to find well you more than likely get the picture. See ya later!

School....ALREADY!!! Yikes!!!!

I know I haven't been on here for awhile. I have been mulling some things over that I will soon post about. I CAN NOT believe that in a week and a half I will be living back in Hibbing for the school year and God only knows what comes after that (I don't say that lightly). A year ago I had no clue where I would be at and now here I am entering yet another new season of my life! I am excited but slightly hesitant. Anyways back to the present! This is my last week of my summer job, it's been good, but I have to say that I won't miss the 80 miles that I drive every day that I work. My car has held up through it all and I've been getting 30-36 miles to the gallon all summer. This is because I just get in my car and go there is only one stop sign and that's when I get to town. Tomorrow I am going to get my back to school haircut! I am pretty excited for that, since my bangs are always annoyingly in my eyes. They make it hard to berry pick. Tonight I went out with my mom and my sis Sal (check out here new blog with her friend ME www.modest--is--hottest.blogspot.com) and my mom and I picked about a gallon of berries each in 2 hours. So that's not too bad considering last week we went out about 3 hours and picked a gallon combined. This summer has been crazy weather wise. I don't know how many times I've driven to work and had to use my wipers. It's funny how many different types of weather you can see during a 40 mile drive :) I think part of the reason I'm kinda in "withdrawal" about the fact that school starts in 2 weeks it's because summer never really arrived, although it's supposed to be nice and warm for the next few days. I have to say it will be nice to have a change in weather even though I work for the next 3 days. The major project of putting books and shelves up is done! It's a great feeling and it looks really nice. There are a few more boxes to empty but first we must have another rummage sale. My mom did do pretty well getting rid of books, better than I expected! I'm hoping to get pictures up soon on here and my facebook. Sometimes I'm not sure where time goes, but I look and think oh I'm doing ok time wise and than I look again and time is gone. That is just one of my many ponderings. Hopefully I'll get on here again soon and post one of my more in depth blogs. Right now you'll all just have to be patient. Remember to F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely on God)

Ponderings That Never Seem to End....

I keep wanting to blog, but I keep putting it off because...well... I wanted to write something profound. Right now the thoughts that are circling aren't anything remarkable, but here I go...

Here I am approaching my second year of college and the final one to accomplishing the goal I set, in going for 2 years of culinary arts. And the future just seems so ominous. What in the world does the future hold? That is the question that just keeps going through my head....(breath a deep breath) I have so many dreams and ideas in my head and at this point they all seem to clash. I know I'll know more when I get there and that I could change some of my goals, I already have done that I few times... I guess trying to look 10 months into the future keeps me from freaking out too much about the near future. :) I hate having expectations because things rarely meet them. Yet expectations are inevitable. So I just keeping making the cycle. Really all in all I'm not too worried about the future I just want to know what to do about some of it. There seem to be no easy answers...

I keep throwing myself into all sorts of projects here at home and going to work, because so much of life just seems...I don't know... just so undecided. So many things I desire aren't for now and I can't get discontent. I'm enjoying where I am and I try to relax about somethings. My emotions keep getting all caught up in things and it's no fun trying to untangle them from reality. See this is why I haven't blogged everything I write just sounds confusing and terrible and things aren't terrible there are just a lot of unknowns for me right now, of course if I knew everything I'd be overwhelmed. I can see God working and even when I can't visibly see it, I can sense it. There are so many things I just want to change in my life and they all start with a choice, imagine that... it's up to me.... I don't know where I am going with all this I just thought I would let everyone see that...well...I really don't have things together right now, but I know things will work out. Until next time... :)

It's Been Awhile

I know it's been awhile since I blogged, but there really hasn't been anything to blog about. Right now I'm really hungry, and tired.... I've been busy working at work and working at home. I'm taking on a lot of little/big projects around the house in order to maximize my mother's space in the house. So far so good although in some places it's hard to tell I've done anything. Well I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive and life keeps moving by and by way to fast. Maybe I'll have something to blog about soon. At least I hope I will. Adios...

People, people, people

Not sure what the point of this will be but we'll see where it goes. I just thought since it's been awhile since I've blogged I should go for it, while I have a minute or so to spare.

I don't know why summer has to go so fast? Do you? Anyways I really don't want to go into all that. I am finding my summer job interesting. I really am peaceful and content with my job even though a lot of the time I feel like I want to be lazy and not drive to work, it's an hour drive :(. Still it's all good. I am working on saving the majority of my paychecks, since I don't have to pay anything but gas (thanks mom and dad!). I figure it's a good thing. Lately I have been working on helping my mom get some odds and ends done that have been hanging loose, because of the busyness of life. I've been enjoying my three year old brother and my six year old sister a lot the others are cool too. LOL

I've been trying to spend some time this summer getting back on track, setting some priorities. So far it's not going so great, but hey that's why I'm working on it. Life is not a piece of cake. Hmmm that makes my stomach growl. Now I want a whole cake to eat. Well maybe I'll blog more later. Gotta go take care of my tummy.

HOME

I'm home for the summer! Well I guess we shall see how much time I'll actually get to spend at home, lol. I am just grateful for the time away from the atmosphere that college provides.

Moving back is alot of work! I have had to rearrange my entire bedroom in order to fit stuff back so that it's liveable. I took some before pics and I'll have to take after pics once I actually get done. There is still work to do. And my car and suburban are still full. Ahhhhhhh! It's a little overwhelming. I collected way too much stuff, but hey it was 9 months! I guess I'll know better what I need when I go back in August, plus I'll have a roommate so that will change somethings as well. Well I need to go get ready to go to church. Just thought that I would let all those in blog world know where I am at and that I won't be on as much due to the fact that for my to log on I have get my laptop and sit in the schoolroom. Whereas in Hibbing I could be anywhere in my apartment and blog. Not too mention how busy I'll be!

Sitting Here Thinking

I have about an hour before I have to be at work. And I am sitting here thinking about a lot of stuff so I thought I would let you all in on a few of my very deep thoughts. LOL!



In one week I will be home and trying to rearrange 9 months of stuff, so that my room will be liveable for the 3 months I will be home. I think by the time it's how I want it to be it will be time for me to move back to Hibbing for my second year of culinary. Oh well, life is meant to be interesting. This summer I will be doing housekeeping in El* at an outfitters there. It should be interesting.

I hosted a few "parties" in the last few weeks. I believe I mentioned one in my last blog. I had fun hanging with friends even though it got late and I was tired and still am tired. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I got see some sides of people that I wouldn't have ever seen otherwise. I don't know what I am supposed to do with any of it. Ecspecially when it has to do with two certain people. I hate feeling like I am reading things into certain things. For some I would love to be wrong about others I would just like to understand. I got to here some different music... The Spill Canvas has some interesting music, that's for sure, and that was only one of them. I now have some music that one of my classmates did. It's really good.

College is definitely a learning experience. I have learned and grown a lot over the past year. I've walked through stuff that could have totally freaked me out, if not for the grace of God. I have lots of stories to tell, that I am not going to go into right now. Life is so good. I just wish that it didn't have to change so much. I was reading a book while waiting for someone to come over today, it's one I've heard before but it was difinetly worth reading again..."True courage is not the abscence of fear. It is refusing to allow fear to control your actions." Here is one that correlates as well, "Slavery to fear is much worse than the bruises and scars of a few falls." As I was reading, I was also listening to music and these lyrics caught my attention-

But I won't question in the dark
What is true out in the light
I will follow after You
Through the sun and through the night
Cause You've got me
Right where You want me
Yeah You've got me
Right where I need to be
And I'm standing amazed

These lyrics caught my attention because it's something that I have battled with. How many times do I question the Lord when things aren't going how I want and I am discouraged, but the principles and things that I know are still true they just seem really quiet. I'm tired of questioning in the dark when I know what's true. If that makes since. I've had the reassurance throughout this last year that I am right where He has wanted me to be. And in the good times I do stand amazed, now in those dark times I just have to remember that. I hope my ramblings make some sense.

Well I have to be to work in about 10 mintues so I had better get moving.

Later-

Busy, busy, busy

I have been really busy. Right now it feels like my life has been a blur. I have been meaning to get on here and post, but between homework, housework, school, work, work and sleeping I honestly feel behind. Still I am surviving and even thriving right now, accept for this headache that's pounding in my head. I think it's from to much sugar and not enough water. Now that I have IPC homework turned in, the quiz over with, computer applications assignment done, the 2nd years dinner invitations basically done, 2 scholarship applications mailed, registered for class in the fall, all the paperwork for my summer job finished up, financial aid info verified and the article for work emailed in, I decided I should take a moment to write. I still have: 2 final projects to complete, one part of one of them is due next week, at least one extra credit paper in IPC to write, an apartment to clean, new computer stuff to figure out, to find out if I should register for another class for fall (my work load will then be 21 credits), figure out how I'm going to live this summer, go through a stack of magazines, and get paperwork taken care of for an apartment in August. One of my far stretching goals that I have are to get in shape, even though I can spend 12 hours on my feet and not be too tired at the end. I'm sure there are more I just can think of them right now, I am so tired mentally and physically right now. There is a lot of school related stuff going on in the next 5 weeks! There are times I don't think I can keep up. I'm so thankful for the Lord's joy as it is the strength I am thriving on right now. I have so many things to be thankful for right now, I'm definitely counting my blessings. I'll have to tell more later as it is most definitely time for me to get some shut eye. I will do my best to get on here again to post some thoughts on some very relevant matters.